Alone
by HeartbreakDevil
Summary: MelloxMatt MattxMello. Story of loss, reunion, developing addictions. Rated M for language and possible yaoi in later chapters. Near appears later then who knows what happens?
1. Chapter 1

Matt was a loner, always had been. That was why he began to cut. He was invisible to the world so nobody cared. At the Wammy House he would often hang out with a blonde named Mello but only so they could be alone together. During a few moments of hanging around with Mello he could feel, for a few fleeting seconds, happiness. The other children at the orphanage used to call him Mello's dog when Mello was out of earshot. It hurt but what hurt worse was when Mello left the orphanage. No note and no goodbye. Just Roger coming into his room to say that Mello had left.

Matt felt the loneliness more than ever after that so he left for America. After living on the streets of New York for a few months he was finally able to build up enough money by working at computer store to get an old dingy apartment. The loneliness was overwhelming and now his gameboy collected dust on his dresser while he lay on his

tattered couch and watched his blood hit the ground or held the needle.

So that was the way it was one night when Matt heard a knock at his door. He had just put the razorblade on the arm of the couch when he first heard the knock.

"Matt, open the door. It's Mello." The knocking continued.

Matt lurched to his feet and stumbled toward the door but the room seemed to sway and he fell, heavily. The blood poured from the cuts on his arms to gather in little pools on the dirty floor.

"Matt?!" Mello was pounding on the door but it sounded faraway to Matt. He tried to say something, anything, but he couldn't find the voice. He heard the sound of the door being broken down and Mello's footsteps.

"Damn it, Matt. What the hell?" Matt felt Mello patting him down as if to assure himself Matt was really there. "I have to take you to a hospital." He picked Matt up in his seemingly frail arms and carried Matt down to his car.

"S-so lonely." Matt was shivering as Mello gently set him in the backseat.

"Yeah Matt. I know." Mello whispered before closing the door and sliding into the driver's seat. "Just stay with me Matty. I know what I did was stupid but don't punish me by dying." Matt thought he heard Mello sob and opened his mouth to reply but he lost consciousness. There was no pain, no loneliness, just nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Death Note characters **

He woke up in the hospital hooked up to a blood pack and a banana bag. He heard someone mumble something. Looking down and to his left he found that Mello had dragged the hospital chair as close to the bed as possible and was fast asleep, head next to Matt's hand, rosary clutched in his gloved hand.

"Shit." Matt sighed when he saw he bandaged arms. It wasn't quite the way he imagined it would be if he ever saw Mello again. He tried to be as quite as possible but his sigh woke Mello. "I'm sorry." Matt said, staring at who used to be his only friend. "I didn't mean to wake you." He seethed inwardly. Why should he have to apologize?

"No, I'm sorry Matt. For leaving you. It was stupid." Mello looked up at him as he rested his head on the bed. He looked exhausted. "I've thought about you everyday since I left. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I called Wammy's but Roger said you had left too. I got some of my men to find you and then I went to your place to apologize. Can you forgive me for leaving?" He lifted his head off the bed to look at Matt hopefully.

Matt stared at him for a moment. "Why did you think about me?"

"What?" Mello looked confused. Matt repeated the question. "Because you're my friend." Mello answered without hesitation.

"Why? Of all the people that admire you, idolize you, why are we friends? We barely even spoke to each other." _And why did it have to hurt so bad when you left? _Matt asked himself.

"You're not like the others. You're smart. We didn't have to say anything. You always knew how I was feeling. You gave me chocolate and sat with me when I was sad or depressed and when no one else would come near me because I was in one of my furies, you where right there." Mello dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "You where with me through it all and I left. I don't know how else to tell you I'm sorry."

"Do you know what they used to call me at the orphanage?"

"No." Mello was slightly taken aback. "What?"

"They used to call me your dog. Your loyal puppy."

Mello's eyes grew hard and cold. "Who were they? I'll kill them myself."

Matt shook his head. "You don't get it do you? You never could control yourself. I followed you around because you were always getting in trouble. You have no fucking idea how many times you would have gotten in trouble if I hadn't stepped in. You were always to proud to accept the fact that someone was helping you rather than you were just to smart to get caught."

Mello bowed his head. "I wasn't a good friend. Again, I'm sorry. Can you forgive my arrogance?" There was a moment of silence.

"Take me back home." Matt said suddenly.

"Um, I don't think you should leave just yet. They gave you a banana bag for malnutrition. You haven't been eating."

Matt began taking the needles out of his arm and glared when Mello tried to stop him. "I'm going home and you either give me a ride or not." He went through the drawers and found his pants. The shirt most likely had blood on it so the hospital would throw it away. He pulled on his pants and took off the hospital gown. Stumbling towards the door, Matt's legs buckled and gave way. He would have fallen if Mello had not caught him.

"Since you're so damn adamant about leaving," Mello said as he helped Matt to the chair. "At least let me help." Mello ducked out the door and returned a few seconds later with a large muscular man.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note **

"Matt this is Jay." Mello introduced them. "Jay, Matt."

"Hey, kid. It looks like you could use a good meal." Jay gave Matt a roguish wink and a boyish smile.

"Jay, lend Matt your shirt so we can slip out of here. I'll deal with the nurses." Mello disappeared out the door, once again, as Jay took off his jacket and shirt, exposing the large muscles beneath.

"I'd give you the jacket but…" Jay shrugged. "Anyway the shirt's clean."

"Yeah, I heard Mello was into the mafia business." Matt was smaller in both height and build than Jay so the shirt almost hung off his shoulders at the collar. He pushed the sleeves up a little so they didn't completely cover his hands.

"Yeah that kid's got real fucking potential. Gambino family's happy with him." He handed Matt his goggles before making sure the gun he wore was safely hidden. Matt fit the goggles snuggly on his head. "You want me to get you a wheelchair or something?" Asked Jay when Matt started to sway with the room.

Matt shook his head, trying to clear it. "Just get me out of here."

They walked out. Matt leaning on Jay slightly and Jay securing him with an arm placed around his shoulders.

It must have been night because the halls were dim and not even the nurses were around, though that was probably due to Mello. They were soon in the hospital's underground garage; headed for a car different from the one Mello drove him in. Jay opened the door to the passenger's side and helped Matt in.

"Where's Mello? Isn't he coming?" Asked Matt as Jay slid into the driver's seat.

"No. He drove another car so he's taking that one." Jay said, starting the car.

"Oh." Matt said quietly. _I won't cry._ He told himself. _Mello, are you leaving me again? _He pressed his forehead against the cool glass window and watched the blur of streetlamps before he fell asleep again.

Matt woke in Jay's strong arms, who was in the process of carrying him through a large, nicely furnished apartment.

"Put me down. I'm perfectly capable of walking on my own." Matt snapped. "And where the hell am I? Take me to my apartment."

"Now hold on a minute." Jay held up a hand while turning his body so his gun couldn't be easily taken. If he wasn't so pissed Matt would have found it funny.

"Don't get mad at him." Mello came in through the door behind Jay. "I told him to bring you here." He set down the box he was carrying by the leather couch and went to stand it front of the door again.

"And why the fuck did you do that? Bring me to my apartment, now." Matt demanded. His hands were shaking and he knew if he didn't go back to his apartment soon it would only get worse.

"There's no way I'm letting you go back just so you can bleed your life away."

Jay wisely moved out of the way, out of Matt's line of sight. Matt took a few purposeful steps toward the door but Mello wouldn't move. They glared at each other for a moment, each trying to get the other to back down but being roughly the same size and build, it proved ineffective.

"I'm not leaving you. Not this time." Mello said softly.

"Move, Mello. I won't be your loyal puppy. Not anymore."

"Good. I don't want a dog. I just want you. My friend."

"Friend." Matt scoffed. He punched Mello, knocking him to the ground, and immediately felt Jay's strong arms wrap around him. "That's for being such a great fucking friend and leaving me." Matt screamed. He was sobbing when he felt Jay push a needle into the vein in his neck. He watched through a veil of tears as Mello pinched his nose in an effort to stop the bleeding. Then, whatever drug Jay gave him, did it's work. He drifted off again to that place where nothing hurt, where nothing mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

Matt's hands were shaking when he woke and his body ached.

"He'll never forgive me." Mello's voice came for the other room, the living room. His voice calm as if listing off numbers. Matt tried to concentrate on the conversation.

"Then why don't you let him go? He obviously doesn't want to be here." Came Jay's Italian accented voice. Matt heard the sound of metal clicking. They were probably cleaning their guns. Mello always liked to keep himself and his things clean.

"I wonder why I keep you around." Mello snorted.

"My good looks? But, seriously, you couldn't get rid of me. The Lucchese's would be all over you."

"Just because you've got a cousin in the Lucchese family does _not_ give you the right to mess up my hair." Mello complained.

"Alright, calm down. Don't go putting bullet holes in the floor." More gun cleaning. Matt hated that sound. "Listen to what I say though. That kid's probably been through more shit than you know. He's probably been alone so long he doesn't know what the hell to do."

"Listen to this dumbass. I am _not _letting him go back that filth heap he calls an apartment." Mello snapped.

"Why don't you talk to him about that? He's probably up."

"When did you go psychic?" Matt could hear Mello pacing. A steady constant rhythm.

"Yesterday." Jay's voice dripped sarcasm. "Sedative I gave him wasn't that strong so he should be up unless he's just sleeping. If he's up let me know."

"You piss him off and the Lucchese's won't fucking help you."

"Got it, mini boss." Jay gave a quiet laugh. Mello grumbled but otherwise didn't reply.

Matt could hear Mello's footstep drawing closer to the bedroom where he lay. He turned so his back was to the door, wincing when he disturbed his wounds. He heard Mello enter the room and quietly pull the chair from the desk closer to the bed.

"Matty, I'm so sorry. I was so caught up in myself I never thought about you." Mello whispered. He stroked Matt's hair gently so as not to disturb him.

"I loved you." Matt said quietly. He noticed Mello stopped stroking his hair but didn't remove his hand. "No." Matt corrected himself. "I still love you. When we were together I was…happy, I guess. After you left I couldn't felt anything but empty and alone."

"Matt, I don't know how else to tell you I'm sorry." Mello interrupted.

"I wasn't finished." Matt said, sans emotion. "I thought I would hate you but I didn't." He continued. "I thought of you all the time. I missed seeing the way you would get animated when you were happy or the face you make when you're deep in thought." He clutched his hands together to try and control the shaking. He knew it would only get worst with time. "I couldn't even look at a damn chocolate bar without thinking of you. So I left Wammy's but I still couldn't stop thinking of you." He sighed, heavily.  
"I thought about you often. I contacted Roger once but he said you had left so I got some of my men to look for you."

"Yeah, I hear you're the Mafia Boss now. I hacked Near's computers." Matt confessed.

"Matt, I know you're angry with me and you probably don't even want to look at me but please don't go back to that shit hole. Apartment – I meant apartment." He said placatingly. "It's old and dirty. It has rats and I know for a fact that there are three killers living there."

"I don't care it's mine and I need to go back now!" Matt yelled, finally turning to look at the blonde. The shakes in his hands were spreading and his body was beginning to ache.

Mello looked at him carefully. "You've been using haven't you?"

"So what if I fucking have? It's not like you'd care."

"You're wrong about that." Mello got up to stomp out the door.

Matt held his head in his hands. _Damn damn damn. I fucked up again._


	5. Chapter 5

Mello left the door open just enough so that if Matt leaned forward slightly he could not only hear but see Mello storming towards Jay, who had changed into a black shirt.

"Did you know?" Mello asked Jay. His voice was soft and deadly.

"Know what?" Jay calmly resumed cleaning his gun.

"Are you screwing with me? Make no mistake, I will fucking kill you where you sit. Did you know Matt was using?"

Jay put the gun and cleaning supplies on the table in front of him. "Where the hell do you think you are? You're in the fucking mafia. You know what junkies look like. You know what fucking withdrawal looks like. I'm starting to think Danny was wrong when he called you a genius." Jay casually took out a cigarette and put it between his lips.

Mello drew his gun and aimed it at Jay's head. "Don't_ ever _question my intelligence."

"Or what?" Jay asked as he lit his cigarette. "You're going to shoot me? Going ahead you fucking little bastard. Make my day." He took a deep drag from the cigarette and watched as Mello lowered his gun. "You're too emotional for this line of work. Watch it or you're done for."

Mello returned his gun to it's holster and sank heavily onto the couch. "Fuck it, Jay. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Well, you have two choices. You either give him the drug or you help him kick it." Jay started putting his gun back together and reloading it. "But he can only quit if he wants to. Isn't that right kid?" Jay yelled so Matt was sure to hear.

Mello gave Jay a final glare before walking back into the room. He started pacing quickly, nervously almost. "I don't understand, Matt. Any of it. The cutting, the drugs. You were never like that before."

"You never knew me. You only thought you did." Matt brought his knees to his chest.

Mello stopped his pacing to sit on the bed. His eyes focused on Matt's. "I may not have but I can't help that now. If you want my help just ask for it and I'll help you through this."

"What makes you so sure I want your help?" Matt sneered.

Mello threw up his hands in frustration. "What do you want from me?"

Matt bowed his head so as not to look at the clearly frustrated blonde. He looked back up to see Jay pick Mello up from the bed and unceremoniously dump him on the couch before walking back into the room and closing the door behind him.

"So fucking help me, Jay. If you don't open this door, I'll fucking kill you." Mello raged.

Jay laughed softly. "I'd like to see him try. Though he probably would considering it's you." Jay sat on the bed, still smoking the cigarette. "He's an arrogant little prick but he thinks highly of you and I think you know it. So what is? It's not just about him, is it?" He snuffed out the cigarette on the desk and lay across the foot of the bed, hands under his head. "I've been around enough killers, junkies, and you're basic all around freaks, to know that something's up. Look, kid, I like you, I really do. You remind me of my little brother. _He_ was a good kid."

"And where is he now? Prison? Done in by your little mafia?" Matt was getting irritable.

"Dead. Junkie if you really want to know. Got mixed up with the wrong crowd. Shame if you ask me. Never did anything to anyone. Then, one day, Danny calls and he doesn't usually call personally, I might add. Calls and says: 'Jay, bad news. Little Jackie's dead. ODed'." Jay sighed heavily. "That's life for you though. Always gives you the worst and says 'keep moving'."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Forget about it. He's gone, you're here. So you going talk or what? 'Cause if not, Mello's going come in here and we're going to have to start this whole love-hate thing all over again. And to be honest, I don't think any of us really wants that." Jay looked at him, waiting patiently.

Matt couldn't hold it in any longer. He buried his head in between his knees and cried. He felt Jay's strong arms embrace him. His hands moving in soothing circles on Matt's back. "Go ahead, kid. It's better to let it out. Trust me. I'll even let you get in a few punches if you want." Matt made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Jay still held on even after he stopped crying. Matt was shaking, though whether it was from exhaustion or withdrawal, he couldn't tell. Holding onto Jay's shirt and face pressed against the man's chest, Matt took a deep shuddering breath and began.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok, I had to expand on Jay's character a little because whether you like him or not he plays a major role in what's about to happen…unless I change my mind, of course  .

Also a tiny detail I forgot to mention. There are 5 different families in the mafia. Lucchese and Gambino were and may still be two of those families. Also, in this fic, Mello advises Danny (Gambino family leader) in drug and weapons operations. This stuff pops up later.


	6. Chapter 6

"You're right. It's not just about Mello. When I was young my father died, car accident, and my mother had us move in with her brother. He wasn't kind and didn't like me or my mother at all. He always used to clean this gun he had right in front of us. He only tolerated us because we were family. He would often come home drunk or high and if my mother was out…he'd…" Matt sobbed.

"Ok, kid. I won't make you say anything you don't want to." Jay patted his back soothingly.

Matt continued telling his story calmly. "One day we, my mother and I, were home and he came in, drunk, waving his gun in the air. He took one look at me and aimed his gun." Matt made his hand into a shape of a gun and pretended to fire it. "He was so drunk he almost missed. The bullet grazed my side. My mother screamed and then he shot her. Actually made his target." Matt fired his imaginary gun again. "Anyway, he kind of just stumbled around. I guess he thought we were dead 'cause he dropped his gun and just passed out on the couch." Matt pulled away from Jay, wiping his nose on the sleeve of the shirt Jay had given him. "So I took the gun and waited hours for him to open his eyes. When he did," Matt fired his pretend gun again. "I was five. Sat there for days. I was so afraid I couldn't move. It was a neighbor who got the police over after he noticed no one coming in or out."

"Kid, I know it's rough but you can't let that effect you now."

"And you're talking from experience? You're in the fucking mafia. Of course you've killed people but that's what this business calls for." Matt said, scornfully. "How old were you when you first killed someone? I bet you've seen people die before, only difference this time was it was you that pulled the trigger."

"Listen, I'm trying to help you." Jay stood. He was clearly getting as frustrated as Mello. "If you don't want my help, say so but don't try and mix my problems with yours."

_Damn. Please don't leave. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. _"Fine." Matt avoided Jay's gaze. "So are you going to sit down or what?" He cleared his throat.

Jay pulled out another cigarette and lit it. "Are you going to continue or what?" He sat on the foot of the bed, long legs stretched out before him.

"So after they found me and patched me up, they shipped me off to some mental hospital. I already learned how to read to they made me take a damn IQ test. I got sent to Wammy's when I turned ten. Started cutting. Started hanging around Mello a few months later and then he left a few years after that." Matt yawned. "After he left, I sorted lost it. I ran away from Wammy's, lived off the streets for awhile then finally scraped up enough cash to get my own apartment. After awhile the cutting just wasn't enough so I get into the drugs." Matt rested his elbow on his knee so he could prop his head up with his hand. "And now I'm here. Now you know all about me."

Jay stared at his polished leather boots. "Kid," He looked at Matt. "You must really like Mello to be so afraid he'd leave again."

"I'm not afraid of anything." Said Matt, quickly.

Jay simply shrugged. "Whether you're afraid or not, you have to sort things out with Mello or we're never going to get anywhere." He sighed heavily and looked up at the ceiling. "Kids these days. Nothing but problems. Thank God I never became a father." He opened the door to be roughly pushed aside by a very irritated Mello. "You're welcome." Jay walked out the door.

Mello shot him a glare before closing the door. There was an awkward silence so Matt decided to be the first to break it.

"I'll quit." He looked anywhere but at Mello.

"Are you sure. It'll be tough." Mello said, softly. He ran his hand through his hair nervously.

Matt nodded. "I also want to apologize for hitting you. I know you were only trying help."

"It's fine. Matt, I'm just glad you're alive." Mello embraced his friend, who tensed at the unexpected show of affection. "Sorry." Mello released him.

"Whatever." Matt bowed his head, feeling strangely exposed with abrupt end of contact. _Do it again,_ he thought.

Mello lay his hand on top of Matt's and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to be afraid anymore, Matt. I won't leave you alone. I promise."

Matt looked up with some surprise but gave Mello a small smile even though he knew the worst of the withdrawal was to come. _But maybe, if he stays, I can make it._

**Thanks to all that reviewed. I hope this chapter was a good read because it was a hard one to write. So I'll update soon and may even take requests as I like to have more than one set storyline. Again, thank you.**


	7. Chapter 7

48 hours later, Matt thought he was dying. His whole body shook and ached. His muscles cramped constantly and sweat so profusely he actually ended up staying in the bathtub for an hour, water running. The worst parts were the vomiting and diarrhea. Finally they had to put him on a saline drip to rebuild his fluid level.

"Where the f-fuck did you get this stuff?" Matt asked, looking up at the hanging saline bag from his bed. The withdrawal gave him the chills, so he had Mello cover him with four blankets.

"Mafia has all sorts of connection. Getting these weren't hard at all." Jay told him.

Mello walked in carrying a tray. "I brought something for you to eat."

Matt thought he was going to vomit, again. "Don't bring it over here, I'll just heave." He could feel his stomach turn just at the thought of eating and dry heaved over the side of the bed. "Fuck it all." He groaned.

"Can't you give him something?" Mello asked Jay.

Jay sighed. "I'll call Mick." He left the two alone.

Mello set the tray on the desk so he could sit on the edge of the bed.

"Don't touch me." Matt warned. "I'm s-sorry. It's n-n-not you." He was shivering so badly his teeth rattled.

Mello set the offending hand on his lap. "You've just about reached your peak. You just have to hang on for another week."

"I k-k-know. Just s-s-s-stay with me, p-please." Matt reached out for the blonde's hand.

Mello took his hand and squeezed, gently. "Of course." They both looked at Jay, as he leaned casually on the doorframe.

"Mick says he'll have Gio bring some anti-nausea meds in a couple hours. Mello, Danny called he said he wants you on the next operation."

"Can't he have Robby do it? He has more dealings with the Bonanno's than me." Mello pleaded.

"You want me to tell Danny, the family leader, what to do?" Jay asked, incredulously. His face was so comical; Matt couldn't help but give a short laugh. "Ha ha, kid. I'm glad I amuse you. Mello, trade's not for a couple weeks so that gives you, and your little lover here, time to get settled in with one another."

"Not lovers." Matt's voice was muffled by the blanket he had piled on top of his head.

"Whatever." Matt was just about to reply, when they were all startled by a sudden knock at the door. Mello released Matt's hand, reached for his gun, and stood as Matt poked his head out from beneath the blankets. Jay pulled his gun out from it's holster and, keeping it out of sight, walked towards the door. Mello leaned over a little bit so he could see but couldn't be easily seen from that angle.

"Jay, you fucking idiot, why do you have to damn big? I can't fucking see." Mello hissed. Jay must have moved because whatever Mello saw next made him visibly angry. "Near." Mello positively growled. Matt heard the door close and Jay's light footsteps make their way back to the room.

"It's some guy named Near. I told him to wait outside."

"Why the hell did you do that?" Mello interrupted. "Tell him to go away. I don't want to see that little freak."

"I told him to wait," Jay said, patiently, "because he said wanted to see Matt."

Mello groaned. "Of course that little freak would know Matt was here. He's probably watching us right now." Without warning the TV in the living room came to life. The image was a close up of Near's face, the background was the hallway in front of their apartment.

"Mello, I know you probably don't want to see me but I'd like to talk to Matt. If he wants to, of course."

"Jay, can you bring me to the couch?" Matt hated to ask, but he was still shaking to much to walk properly. The chills were gone and the sweating had started up again, making him get rid of the blankets and using a thinner sheet, seeing as he was only in his boxers. Jay picked him up and set him gently on the couch.

"Ah, Matt, it's good to see you again." Near began twirling a strand of hair around his finger and tilted his head. If he hadn't been doing it for years, Matt would have suspected he had a brain tumor or something.

"What do you want, Near?" Matt yawned. He hadn't sleep since Jay injected him the day they, basically, kidnapped Matt.

"May I come in?"

"No." Mello snapped. Unlike Matt, he hated the milk-haired orphan. Whereas Matt had always been civil and often called out a greeting to the other boy, Mello would go out of his way to harass him.

"With all do respect, Mello. I'm here to see Matt, not you."

Matt shrugged and looked at Jay imploringly. Jay rolled his eyes but went to open the door.

"Thank you." Near's image disappeared from the TV to be replaced by a blue screen. The real Near strode into the room carrying a small, black laptop.

"When the fuck did you hack my TV channel?" Mello snarled.

"Last month. I heard you were looking for Matt so I set up your apartment." Near was calm as always. It was starting to get on Matt's nerves.

"What do you want, Near?" Matt's voice was quiet. He wanted nothing more than to sleep but couldn't.

"I wanted to see how you were. I haven't seen you since you ran away." _Lies. He wants something from me._

"You're full of shit, you freak." Mello all but physically attacked Near. "You never even talked to Matt."

"Not true." Near shook his head. "We had a great conversation, once. I think it was just after Matt had gotten into a physical altercation with some of the older boys and _you_, Mello, were nowhere to be found. Isn't that right, Matt?"

Matt was silent. _It's technically true. I was in the middle of getting the shit kicked out of me when Near comes out of nowhere…_


	8. Chapter 8

_Flashback_

Matt was wandering the halls of Wammy, alone, seeing as Mello had disappeared to go do whatever. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw three of the older boys walk towards him but ignored them, choosing to focus on his gameboy. It wasn't until they knocked the game out of his hands did he get the feeling this was going to be more than a regular act of bullying. Usually they took more care with his stuff, which was nice considering they had tried to throw him out the second floor window at one point. At least they had the consideration to leave his stuff unharmed.

"What the hell?" Matt fumed. One of the older boys slapped him. It was more humiliating than anything else.

"Such language for a kid." The older boy shook his head with mock sadness. He bent down a little so that he was eye level with Matt. "I heard your friend's talking shit about me. Where is he?"

"How the hell should I know?" Matt rubbed his stinging cheek.

"Well, you see, I have to teach your friend a lesson one way or another so," He was so close, Matt could smell the alcohol on his breath. "I guess you'll have to do." He aimed a punch into Matt's stomach, sending him to the ground groaning and gasping for breath. "Jed, Tom. Pick him up." The two other boys grabbed Matt's arms, hauled him to his feet, to slam him against the wall.

"You wouldn't dare, Brent." Matt gasped. "You're a coward if you need your friends to help beat up a kid."

"Shut up." Brent punched him again, though this time in the face, knocking Matt's head against the wall. He could swear he saw stars. Matt was beset by a barrage of punches to his stomach, though Brent would occasionally aim a few kicks to his legs when he started to flag.

"I believe that's enough." Came a quiet voice. Matt couldn't even lift his head to see who it was and the other boys had support all his weight.

"Get the hell away, Near." Brent snarled. _At least he's not hitting anymore._

"Maybe I should make myself clear. Leave him alone." Near's voice held little emotion. Matt lifted his head just enough to see a boy dressed in all white with shockingly white hair.

"Or what? You gonna tell Roger? I'm not afraid." Brent laughed.

"No. I won't tell Roger. It probably wouldn't do any good." Near twirling a lock of his hair around his finger. "There's only one way to deal with people like you."

"Oh, and what would that be?"

"I'll show you." Near quickly hooked a barefoot behind Brent's knee, dropping him to the ground, and then smashed his knee into Brent's face.

"Shit! You little fucker. You broke my nose." Brent scrambled backwards on the floor holding his nose which was bleeding profusely.

"Let him go." Near turned to look at Jed and Tom. They dropped him as if he had suddenly caught fire. "Now leave." Jed and Tom dragged Brent down the hall in their haste to get away from the milk-haired boy.

Matt was on the floor, curled up in a ball. Near dropped to the floor beside him. "Um, thanks." Matt mumbled.

"It was nothing, really. Would you like me to help you to the nurse?"

"No. Can you just help me up?"

"Of course." Near helped Matt to his feet. "I'll help you to your room." They walked slowly down the hall towards Matt's room. Fortunately most of the orphanage was out on a field trip so no one saw them. After he helped Matt sit down at the desk, he pulled something from his pocket. "I believe this is yours." He handed Matt his gameboy.

"Thanks. My name's Matt by the way."

"I'm Near." He took out of finger puppet from his pocket and started squeezing it between hid thumb and first finger. "You really shouldn't hang around with Mello. He'll only get you into more trouble. You can always talk to me."

"Um, I'll think about it." Matt was confused. Where was this coming from? "Thanks, again."

"Sure. I'll see you around." With that Near waved a goodbye and walked out the door.

In the weeks that followed Matt had seen more of Near than he ever had before the fight with Brent. At one point, Near had even sat next to him at lunch when Mello was gone. They hadn't talked much but Near was polite and seemed to genuinely care whenever he asked Matt how he was. Mello had noticed and developed a growing distaste for Near. Matt didn't want Near though, he just wanted Mello.

_**End flashback**_

"You're a freak. You basically stalked him. That's all there was to it." Mello was close to yelling.

"I think Matt could argue that." They both looked at Matt expectantly.

"It wasn't like that at all." Matt shook his head. "I got into a fight with another kid and Near helped."

Mello crossed his arms. "Fine. He helped you in a fight. He's still a freak."

Matt looked at Jay for some kind of help but Jay was sitting across the room, at the dining table, reading a book as he smoked. "Near, what exactly do you want?" Matt was exasperated.

"I want you to stay with me and help with the Kira case. Since someone's quit the case." He looked at Mello.

"You quit the Kira case?" Matt looked at Mello incredulously.

Mello blue eyes focused intently on him. "After the explosion-"

"That you caused and I could've died." Jay interrupted.

Mello shot him a glare before turning back to Matt. "After the explosion, I decided there were more important things then hunting killers."

"I don't mean to interrupt." Near spoke softly. "But I have to get back to headquarters so Matt, will you came stay with me?"

"Are you fucking blind." Now Mello was yelling. "He's going through fucking withdrawal and you ask him this now?"

"I don't want to upset you, Mello, but I can take better care of Matt at my place." Near gave Matt a smile.

Different thoughts raced through Matt's head. _What's he trying to do? Should I go? After all, Near's never betrayed me. But what about Mello? He said he was sorry. Who do I chose? Do either of them even really care or is this another act of rivalry? _"Let me think about it. Come back in a couple weeks." Matt said aloud.

"Fine. I'll see you in a couple of weeks then. Before I go, I brought you a gift." Near placed the laptop on the coffee table so Matt could reach it easily. He gave Mello a smirk. "Good to see you again, Mello. The way you ran off, I thought I was never going to see you again."

"Next time, I won't be so pleasant." Mello snarled as he placed his hand on his gun. Near was still smirking as he walked out the door. Mello spun on his heel to look at Matt. "You're not actually going with him, are you?" He demanded. Matt simply stared at the black laptop. _I don't know. Maybe I…_


	9. Chapter 9

**I want to thank everyone that's reviewed: Josephine Falnor, jinnabun, Miss Hall Gibson, and AnimeFreak4261. Thank you so much for the positive reviews.**

_Maybe…_ Matt pulled the sheet over his head. All he wanted right now was to get the damn drugs out of his system.

"Well? Are you?" Mello started pacing. Matt hated that. "You're not still upset I left you, are you? I thought we got past that."

"And we did." Matt agreed. "I'm not going to waste my time being mad at you, anymore." _But if I think about the person who's less likely to hurt me, it's Near. _Matt looked up at the blonde. _But Mello's trying, and he said he was sorry. _

Matt liked Mello, more than a friend, and knew he felt the same. The fact that they never talked about it though made Matt feel as if Mello didn't really want to be with him. The fact that Mello left didn't help matters either. _I'll focus on getting these drugs out of my system and then…and then, we'll see._

A week after Near had dropped by, Matt was feeling much better and could finally eat without vomiting. His cuts were almost completely healed and he didn't have to wear the bandages anymore. Also, the shakiness was gone and he could walk around, though he was still somewhat weak from all the time spent in bed and on the couch. During that time Mello helped him often but spoke little and started casting bitter glances in Matt's direction every few minutes.

"Mello, are you ok?" Matt asked him one day, while Jay was out. "You've been acting…different." They were sitting together on the couch

"I'm fine." Mello replied, tersely. "No, I'm not." He shook his head. "Near shows up and asks you to go with him. I don't like it at all."

"Why should it bother you? Why the hell do you care?" Matt leaned his head against the back of the couch.

"Matty, you know I care." He tentatively brushed Matt's long bangs from his forehead.

Matt grabbed his wrist. "Don't pretend to love me just because of Near." He released Mello wrist.

"Fine." It was quiet for a second the suddenly Mello was on top of him, straddling him; kissing his lips, his neck. "Matt, I love you." He breathed. "Don't leave me alone."

_Alone. _Matt kissed back with just as much passion and intensity. Mello pulled off Matt's shirt to run his hands up and down his sides. Mello lost his shirt next and shuddered as Matt raked his nails down his back. They didn't even look up when they heard the door open.

"I'll be back in an hour." Jay sighed and walked back out, closing the door behind him.

Mello smiled before trailing kisses from Matt's lips, down his neck.

"You never removed those cameras Near has hidden did you? He's probably watching us right now." Matt whispered in Mello's ear.

"I told you he was a freak." He sucked and nipped at the tender skin of Matt's neck, maneuvering them so they lay on the couch, Matt still trapped beneath him. He worked his way down, covering Matt's chest with a series of kisses before biting lightly at the nipple, making Matt yelp with surprise. Mello teased the nipple with his tongue for awhile before coming back up to capture Matt's lips in another kiss. He ran his hand along Matt's outer thigh, possessively.

"Near can't win." He said. His voice soft and smug. "You're mine."

Matt froze. _Near? So this is just another act of rivalry. _He pushed Mello off. "So you _were_ pretending. I can't believe…" _I thought you liked me, loved me even. _"I didn't know I was just a prize for winning the game."

Mello looked up at him from where he had fallen, on the floor. "No, Matt. It's not-"

"I don't want to hear it anymore, Mello. I can't take it anymore." He quickly pulled his shirt on and grabbed his cell, the laptop Near had given him, and his boots. "I'm done."

"Wait, Matt, I-" Matt slammed the door closed, effectively cutting off the rest of Mello's sentence. He walked quickly out of the apartment building, trying to hold back the tears of hurt he could feel collecting behind his eyes. He stopped at a coffee shop and opened up the laptop. Nobody had even bothered to touch it since Near left. As he suspected; Near had left him a message on the computer, giving him all of Near's contact info. There was one that was a link but didn't say where it led to. Matt clicked on it and was immediately presented with the image of Near.

"Hello, Matt. I was wondering when I'd hear from you." Near's voice came from the computer.

"I'm sure." The sarcasm evident in his voice. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sighed. "Look, I know you were probably watching me and Mello so you already know what happened. Can you just have someone pick me up?"

"Sure but so you know, I cut off the cameras and microphones after I saw you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

Matt was slightly taken aback by the sincerity in Near's voice. "That's…kind of you."

Near shrugged. "You're laptop has a tracking device in it. Anthony will be along to pick you up shortly."

"Thank you, Near."

"No need to thank me. I just want to make sure you're safe. I'll see you soon." The screen went blank. Matt stared at it for awhile. _He sounded so sincere. Maybe he really does care. _His thoughts went back to Mello but he shook his head. _It's over. Mello just wants to beat Near. Am I just helping Near win? I like Near and he's always been kind. He even fought off a bunch of older kids for me. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. _He sighed. _Maybe I should just leave this place. _A shiver ran down his spine. _I can't be alone…not again._

**Ok, yeah, I know strange pairing but Near needs some love to right? Anyway it might be a change from Matt…maybe.**


	10. Chapter 10

Within the hour a black car pulled up in front of the coffee shop and a man stepped out.

"Matt?" He asked, standing in front of Matt's table.

"You must be Anthony. Near told me you'd be picking me up." Matt grabbed his laptop and headed for the car. "Let's get going." He slipped into the back seat as the passenger seat was occupied by a fragile looking woman blonde hair.

"Hello, Matt."

"Oh, Near. I didn't think you'd come." Matt was slightly surprised to see Near sitting, in the same position L used to, next to him.

"I decided to accompany Anthony. I wanted to talk with you."

"I would've have seen you. Where are we going anyway?"

"SPK headquarters. I have a private floor so a room has been set up for you next to mine. I also took the liberty of getting some of your things from your old apartment. I hope you don't mind."

Actually, Matt had forgotten all about the apartment. "It's fine. Before, you said you wanted me to help with the case. What do you want me to do?"

Near twirled his hair around his finger, looking at him with his large panda eyes. "I really just want you to be comfortable. You don't have to do anything, really." He turned to look at the glass that divided the front and back seats. "How would you feel if I told you that I really only want you to stay with me because I like you?"

There was silence for a moment as Matt stared out the window. "Then I have to ask, is it because you really do like me or is it to win the rivalry with Mello?"

Near didn't answer. Instead he stopped playing with his hair and rested his hand on the fist that Matt had unintentionally made. Matt rested his head on Near's shoulder and looked at their hands, Near pale skin contrasted with Matt's slightly tanned skin. _He's so pale; he could almost pass as albino. I wonder if he ever goes out. He must be lonely._

They sat that way the entire ride. When they finally got to SPK headquarters, they continued holding hands until they reached Near's private floor.

"Holy, shit." Matt exclaimed when Near opened the door to his new room. "This is my room?"

"There are a few bigger rooms if you'd like."

"How the hell do you get any bigger?" The room itself was bigger than Mello's apartment. One wall was all glass, with an excellent view of the city below; the other held a giant TV that took up most of the wall. The opposite wall held a king sized bed covered with huge pillows. Excited, Matt threw his arms around Near. "Thank you. It's great."

Near wrapped his arms around Matt's waist. "I'm glad you like it." They kissed. Where Mello was all roughness and intensity, Near was soft and gentle, running his hands lovingly over Matt's body. They made their way to the bed, clothes thrown all over the floor, a tangle of arms and legs, unsure of where one ended and the other began. An hour later they were breathing heavily, thoroughly satisfied. Near's head rested on Matt's arm while he drew imaginary patterns on Matt's chest with his finger. Matt had his other arm draped over Near's waist and was dozing slightly, though every now and then he would kiss the top of Near's head or bring his hand up to play with the snow white locks.

_This is perfect. It feels so right being with Near…but then so did being with Mello. _He sighed.

"You're thinking about Mello aren't you?"

_Shit. Can't put anything past him. _"Yeah."

"For once I couldn't see a clear answer. I had almost given up hope that you'd leave him."

"I think he's more interested in winning than me."

"I never thought of this as a game. You're more than just some sort of prize." Near sat up. "Speaking of games, I got you something." Pulling on his white pants, he pulled out gift from the drawer by the bed. They were already filled with brand new clothes.

"Wow, Near." Matt exclaimed as he admired the game system. "This is great. You didn't have to do that."

"I know." Near sat on the edge of the bed, kicking his feet. "I wanted to."

Matt pulled on his pants as well and hooked up the game system. He paused before turning it on._ This isn't happiness…is it?_

"Something wrong?" Near went to sit on the floor next to him.

Matt grinned. "Not at all." _I am happy._

Near grinned back. "I'm glad." Matt kissed him, again. He tasted like strawberries.

**Yeah it's short. I was having a hard time writing it for some reason. Next one will be better, I promise. About the strawberries: my bro just spilled strawberries so I was thinking about it and really what's better than chocolate and strawberries? Nothing.**


	11. Chapter 11

"Dammit." Matt groaned when his phone's ringer woke him up. He groped around for his phone but the bed was so big he couldn't reach the nightstand to get to his phone. He gave up and rested his arm across Near's back.

"I'll get it." Near held his hand as he reached to get the phone.

"Thanks." Matt said wearily. He looked at the caller ID. It was Jay. "Hey, Jay."

"That's all I get? A hello? After you leave me here with a mini psycho? If he kills me it's your fault."

"Yeah, sorry I left without saying anything to you. I had to get out of there."

"Is that Matt? Tell him to fuck off." Matt could here Mello yell from the other end of the phone. He sounded drunk. "Wait I didn't mean it! Tell him I'm sorry." He was definitely drunk.

"Would you sit down and stop waving that gun around. I'll tie you to the fucking chair if I have to." Jay's voice was muffled. He was probably covering the mouthpiece with his hand.

"How is he?" _I shouldn't ask. I have Near and Jay can take care of Mello. _

"He's been better. Anyway, I was calling to check up on you. You left without a goodbye or anything. I know Mello's not the greatest person in the world but he does care about you."

"Yeah, I know." Matt sighed. "Tell him I said thanks, will you?"

"Sure, kid."

"And thanks to you for helping take care of me while…you know."

"No problem. Call me will you? I'd like to know you're still alive." Jay laughed.

"I will. Goodbye, Jay."

"See you later, kid."

Matt hung up the phone and sighed as he stuffed it under his pillow. He stared up at the ceiling, biting his lower lip. _Mello will be fine. It's not as if his alone. He has Jay with him. _Near lay his head on Matt's chest. _And I have Near. _

"I have to leave soon to work on the case." Near held up a set of keys. "So these are for you, if you'd like to go out. This is for the Ducati 1098 and this one's to the Nissan Skyline."

"Holy fuck! The Nissan…as in Godzilla?" He looked at the keys, reverence written clearly on his face.

Near smiled. "I thought you'd like it."

"Like it?" Matt shook his head. "I fucking love it." He gave Near a one-armed hug. "Thank you."

"I wanted to make sure you had some way to get where you wanted to go. Of course, we do have drivers if you don't feel like driving."

"Not drive the Ducati. That's unthinkable." Matt laughed.

"I'm glad you like it. I have to get started on the case but," Near was on top of him and kissed him, gently but full of passion. "I'll be back soon."

"You have to leave so soon?"

"I'm afraid so." He started to leave but Matt wrapped his legs around Near's waist, grinning mischievously.

"Don't leave now." He buried his hands in Near's hair, pulling him closer for another kiss. Near trailed kisses from Matt's lips down his neck before pulling away.

"I_ have_ to go or things will never get done." He brushed Matt's long bang from his forehead.

"Fine." Matt sighed and reluctantly removed his legs from Near's waist. "Maybe, we could take a ride on the Ducati later." He grinned.

Near blanched. "I'd rather ride in the Nissan."

Matt laughed. "If you want."

Near smiled and kissed his forehead before pulling on his shirt. "See you soon, Matt. I love you."

"Goodbye, Near." He watched him walk out the door.

Matt was walking around his room with only his boxer, examining the contents of the room. The bathroom was huge with a giant bathtub and shower stall. Matt took a quick shower and continued walking around, in a clean pair of boxers. He went to the walk-in closet and found it full of clothes, most of which were surprisingly his style. He had just put on his pants and was pulling on a pink and black stripped shirt when he felt someone poke him in the side…hard.

"What the fuck." He pulled the shirt from his eyes and spun to glare at the person. "How the fuck did you get in here?"

"I come all this way to make sure you're not being tortured and this is the thanks I get?" Jay grinned.

"Doesn't explain how you got in here." Matt adjusted his goggles.

"I'm in espionage." Matt snorted. "Fine. I came through the front door. Little white-haired kid let me come see you."

"How's Mello?" Matt asked quietly. _I shouldn't care but I can't help it. I have to know._

Jay shrugged. "Drunk as shit. I had to empty his gun so he wouldn't shoot me on accident. When he finally sobered up a bit he told me to give you this." He handed Matt a folded piece of paper. "I guess I'll see you later, kid."

"You're not going to stay? Just for a little at least." Matt pleaded.

"Sure. I've got nothing better to do." So Jay stayed for a couple hours, playing video games and smoking. He didn't leave until he got a call from a guy called Big Tony. "Hey, Matt."

Matt looked up in surprise. It was the first time Jay had ever said his name. "Yeah?"

"Call me some time, will you. I'd like to know you're still alive." He smiled.

Matt matched his smile. "No, I think it's more fun to keep you guessing."

"You're gonna get into trouble one day." He said, smirking as he shook his head in mock sadness. He closed the door behind him.

Matt took out the note from his pocket as soon as Jay left. It read:

_Dear Matt,_

_I'm sorry about all things I've ever done or said to hurt you. I'd take them back if I could but I can't, so let me make amends. I know I have no right to ask you for anything but will you give me one more chance? Please. I won't mess up this time, I promise. I love you, Matt and I can't stand being without you. Please, let me try again._

_Mello_

Matt read the note two more times and put it back in his pocket. _He said he loves me? I can't deny I love him. But what about Near? I love him. Why is it all so confusing? _He held his head in his hands. Feeling completely overwhelmed, he did the only the only thing he could do. Getting the actual razorblade out from the razor was easier than he remembered. He lay on the floor, bleeding all over the bathroom tile, sobbing into the crook of his arm.


	12. Chapter 12

He didn't hear the door open. All he knew was one minute he was alone and the next someone was stroking his hair.

"I didn't think I'd make you so miserable so quickly." Near whispered.

"It wasn't you. I fucked up."

"Let me see your arm." Near gently took Matt's hand in his own and held up his arm. "It's not too deep so you won't need stitches." Near got up and pulled bandages from the cabinet above the sink. He sat back down, letting Matt use his lap as a pillow. "It's already stopped bleeding." He cleaned up Matt's cuts and wrapped the arm with the bandage.

"I'm an awful person." Matt sighed. "I'm sorry I fucked up."

"You're not an awful person and you didn't fuck up." Near helped him off the floor and to the bed.

"Near, I'm sorry." Matt wrapped his arms around Near and cried.

"So you're leaving me for Mello, then." It wasn't a question. It was a fact. "Before you go, tell me what's wrong with me. What did I do wrong?"

"It wasn't you at all. I'm an asshole. I left Mello because I thought he was just using me to win his stupid fucking rivalry with you." He cried. "And I ended up using you to get back at him."

"It's ok." Near said, soothingly. "I should have known you didn't love me. It's fine really. I've learned not to be disappointed."

Matt shook his head. "That's not true. I do love you. I just…"

"You just love Mello more."

Matt bowed his head in silent agreement. "I'll leave now. Here are you're keys." He reluctantly pulled the keys from his pocket.

"You don't have to leave now. As for the keys, I got the motorcycle and car for you. You can have them."

"I can't take them." Matt shook his head.

"You keep the Ducati." Near smiled. "Please. I hate motorcycles."

Matt smiled through his tears. "Thanks. I think I should leave though. Mello seems to be falling apart without me."

"In that, you are both the same." Near slid off the bed. "I think I should change." There were blood stains all over his shirt. "I'm going back to work on the case. I'll send someone to clean the bathroom shortly. I'll send your clothes over to Mello's apartment as well."

"Don't do that. I can get my own clothes."

"I got them for you so I want you to have them." Near turned to go but Matt caught his arm and spun him around to give him one last kiss.

"Thank you for everything. You made me happy." Matt held him close.

"Apparently not happy enough."_ Was his voice trembling?_

"It wasn't you. I sadistic slightly masochistic bastard who can't decide what the hell to do with my life."

Near pulled away and walked to the door. "Goodbye, Matt."

Matt looked down at his shirt. _Those are definitely tear stains. I'm such an asshole. I can't believe I made him cry. I can't change my mind. I have to get back to Mello._

After leaving the key to the Nissan on the bed, he took only his cell phone and goggles and raced down the streets on the Ducati. When he got to Mello's apartment he heard yelling from outside the door but could not make out the words. This was the first time he actually thought about the key Jay had made him and hesitantly put the key into the lock. As soon as he opened the door he had to duck to avoid being hit by a flying book.

"Where the fuck is my gun?" Mello was yelling at the top of his lungs. Still drunk or drunk again. Either way he was drunk and pissed. His back was turned to the door so he didn't see Matt and Jay had probably locked himself in the guest bedroom for some peace.

Matt tried to yell over the noise Mello was creating by throwing and breaking things. It wasn't working. So Matt did the only other thing he could think of. He flew at Mello, taking him to the ground and turned him over on his back. Matt had to sit on him because Mello hadn't yet comprehended who had tackled him.

"Mells, shut up." Matt had to hold Mello's hands down to prevent being hit. "Mells." Look at me." He yelled. It still didn't work._ God, he's never going to shut the fuck up. I hope he's too drunk to remember this. _Matt let go of one hand and slapped Mello.

"Matt?" Mello finally focused on the red-head. "Oh, shit. I drank _way_ too fucking much."

"You're not hallucinating you dumbass. I'm came back."

"Oh." Mello stared at him. "Can you wait till I sober up and tell me then?"

"Yeah, Mells. I'll wait." Matt got off of his drunken friend and helped him lay on the couch. _He smells like hard liquor. _It was making Matt sick, emotionally and physically.

Mello reached out a hand to latch onto Matt's wrist. "Are you going to leave again?"

"No, Mells. I'm here for good."

"I'm glad. I thought Santa's evil elf had kidnapped you for good." He mumbled wearily.

"Near's not a bad person. He was very kind and he made me happy for a little while."

"But then you thought about me didn't you?" Mello yawned and closed his eyes. "I'm going to make you happy, Matty. Just wait. I'll give you everything you've ever wanted. You'll see." His words were barely audible, not to mention the slur made it nearly indecipherable.

"I don't want everything, Mells. Just you." Matt whispered.

After making sure Mello was asleep, Matt cleaned up a little and went to see Jay.

"Jay, it's me." Matt knocked on the door. After a few more tries he got worried and opened the door. Jay was face down in the pillows, snoring. "You are the worst fucking adult ever. What kind of adult let's a minor drink and trash the apartment?" He pushed Jay off the bed.

"Fucker, where's my gun. I'll shoot you." Jay grumbled as he hauled himself up. "Oh, it's you. Didn't expect you to be back so soon." He fished around in his pocket and took out a cigarette. "Don't you know it's bad manners to wake a criminal while he's sleeping."

Matt snorted. "You're about as much of a criminal as a stuffed bear. Give me one will you." He held out his hand for a cigarette."

"I'm not giving a you tobacco." Jay lit his cigarette and put the rest of the pack back in his pocket.

"You let Mello drink."

"I have no idea where he got it."

"Fine." As Matt walked out he managed to swipe the pack from Jay's pocket.

"Good to have you back, kid." Jay called.

"Good to be back." Matt lit the cigarette and commenced to cleaning.


	13. Chapter 13

Matt was sitting on the couch, fast asleep, when he felt someone poke him in the chest repeatedly. He slapped the hand away and turned onto his side.

"Matt wake the fuck up." Mello poked him again.

"What the hell do you want?" Matt grumbled.

"I want to talk to you." Mello fidgeted.

"You couldn't wait for me to wake up?" Matt got up and walked to the kitchen._ I'm fucking starving. _Matt glanced at the clock. _I haven't eaten in over a day._ He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He jumped up to sit on the counter. "Alright, fine. What do you want to talk about?"

Mello leaned against the low wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Why did you come back?"

Matt exhaled the smoke through his nose. "The good food. I missed Jay's cooking." He said sarcastically.

Mello went to stand in between Matt's legs, hands placed on the counter, preventing Matt from getting down. "I'm a horribly selfish person, even I know that. I will do anything to win_ and_ work for the mafia. If that wasn't bad enough, I've hurt you probably more times than I know. So, why did you come back?"

Matt sighed. "Do you always have to reason things out? I came back because I love you, you adorable jackass." He snuffed out the cigarette in one of the many ashtrays Jay had laying around.

"Prove it." Mello grinned mischievously.

Matt buried his hand in Mello's blonde hair, focusing on his blue eyes. "If you ever leave me again I'll drag you back here, tie you to a chair, and make you wish you hadn't. OK?" He smiled.

Mello looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, I think I like it when you get aggressive."

"Good." He kissed him. Mello was all fire and intensity, just like he remembered. _I missed this…no, I missed him. _He hissed in pain when Mello accidently hit his injured arm.

"What's wrong?" Mello voice was full of concern.

"Nothing." Matt held his arm, thankful his long sleeves covered the bandage.

"Let me see it." Mello tried to lift the sleeve.

"It's nothing." He pulled back his arm.

Mello grabbed his wrist and pulled back the sleeve, revealing the bandages. "What the fuck, Matt? What are you doing to yourself? I thought you were done with that shit." Mello yelled. "So are you back on drugs to? 'Cause right now I wouldn't be surprised."

"No, I'm not on drugs. I slipped with the cutting but not drugs. I'm done with that stuff." Matt tried to explain but Mello wasn't listening.

"I have to…. I have to go out…for a second. I'm not leaving you. I just need a second. Just…fuck!" He punched the wall in frustration on his way out the door.

Matt his head in his hands, clenching his teeth to prevent himself from screaming. He paced in the kitchen, lashing out sporadically. Finally, unable to think straight, he took a glass cup and slammed it on to the counter. The glass shattered in his hand. _Damn. _He moved on to the living room where he threw books and couch pillows against the wall.

"Ah, fuck." Jay yelled when he walked in. "This place just got cleaned." Matt was still throwing things when Jay grabbed him by his collar and sat him on the couch. He examined Matt's hand, left to get bandages, and came back to sit on the coffee table across from Matt.

"So what happened now?" He asked as he cleaned and bandaged Matt's hand.

"I fucked up…like always." He pulled up his sleeve showing Jay the bandage.

"I can't believe this." Jay threw up his hands in exasperation. "This," Jay pointed at the arm. "Is not as serious as it seems."

"How is it not serious? Tell me, 'cause I don't think I understand your reason."

Jay flicked his forehead. "Don't get fresh dumbass."

"Fine. Explain you're reason…please." Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Everyone slips. Cutting is no exception. Have you even thought about cutting before this." Matt shook his head. "Then you're doing better than most."

"I keep fucking things up. I don't know how to be in a fucking relationship." Matt looked at Jay.

"Well don't look at me. I'm single _and_ happy." They looked up when the front door opened and Mello walked in. "And I'm gone." He brushed past Mello. "Go easy on him." He whispered and left.

Mello sat next to Matt. "What happened to your hand?" He asked quietly.

"Glass broke." Matt muttered.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

Matt shrugged. "You were upset."

"That doesn't make what I said right. Let's start over." Mello took Matt's good hand. "Matt, I get scared when you do shit like this. I'm afraid one day you'll go to far and you won't be around anymore."

"I'm afraid when you just walk out of here. Being in the mafia's dangerous. I'm afraid you'll never come back. I don't want to lose you." _I don't want to be alone. Without you, I'm alone._

Mello draped his arm over Matt's shoulders. "You won't. I promise."

"I hope so."

"Let's try and go a week with no more injuries. OK?" Mello kissed the top of Matt's head.

"I can do that." Matt smiled.

Mello looked around the apartment. "And let's try not to ruin the apartment either. Jay's only living here because I asked him to. It'd be a shame if he moved out."

Matt frowned. "It would. I'd really miss his cooking."

"You've yet to try his lasagna." Mello laughed.

"Did I hear someone mention food?" Jay walked back in carrying an armful of groceries. "I'm starving. Matt come put these away. Mello start cleaning."

Matt and Mello both groaned. "And what are you going to do?" Mello asked.

"I am making lasagna." Jay gave them a boyish grin.

"God only knows how he became a criminal." Mello murmured. He gave Matt a quick kiss before going to set things right. Matt sighed but got up to put away the food Jay wasn't using. _Maybe things will get better now…and maybe Hell will freeze over. _He looked over at Mello who was pretending to clean every time Jay looked his way. _I guess I'd better enjoy it while it lasts. _

**OK so while I was writing this I realized that I have neglected to thank the real Jay who was the inspiration for this little side character of mine(awful of me I know). Jay is wonderful person with colorful language and magic fingers ^_^ (He's pick pocketed me more times than I can remember but always given it back…I think). So thanks goes to the real Jay.**


	14. Chapter 14

The week passed smoothly with no predicaments and Near, true to his word, had dropped off everything, including the black laptop. Mello had been avoiding the topic of the upcoming tradeoff with the Lucchese's, even when Matt brought it up directly. Today was the day off the tradeoff and Mello was pacing nervously behind the couch as Jay idly flicked through TV channels smoking another cigarette. It was his tenth within the hour.

"What's the big deal?" Matt asked. He was sitting at the dining table smoking a cigarette and playing his gameboy. "All you have to do is exchange some drugs for guns."

"Yeah, the same drugs I exchanged probably ended up in you." Mello practically growled.

Matt didn't even bother looking up from his game. "It's not as if you gave me the syringe and forced me to take it. Stop going on a guilt trip. It's not very attractive."

"He's just worried they'll find out most of it's fake." Jay cut in.

Now Matt looked up. "You're selling them fake drugs. That's dangerously stupid."

"I do what Danny wants me to." Mello shrugged. "Besides all I have to do is sell the stuff and get out the hell out of there before they think to check all of it."

Matt returned to his game. _He's going to get himself killed this way. _Mello went over and draped his arm over the gamer's shoulders. "Don't worry. I'll be fine." He ruffled Matt's hair, knocking his goggles askew.

Matt opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Jay's cell phone ringer. They watched as he conversed with the person on the other end. He sighed heavily when he hung up.

"Time to go." He grabbed his gun from off the coffee table and put it in it's holster. He playfully pushed Matt as he walked past. "Wish us luck, kid. See you soon."

"I'll see you soon, Matt." Mello was fingering his rosary beads.

Matt grabbed Mello's shirt. "Promise me."

"I promise." Mello kissed his cheek. "I love you, Matty."

"I love you to, Mells."

It was torture, waiting for them to come back. Matt had smoked a whole pack in an hour in his agitation. _I should've gone with them. That way I'd know what was going on._ He jumped when the door opened five hours later. Mello slipped in quietly, a dazed look on his face.

"Mells, are you ok?" Matt ran up to him, noticing he was covered in blood. "Shit. Mel, you're covered in blood." He tried to take off Mello's shirt to see where the bleeding was coming from but Mello held his hands.

"It's not mine. Some idiot checked one of the fake bags." He was trembling and his voice was quiet. "He…pulled out his gun and aimed at me but…Jay, he…he pushed me out of the way. The bullet would have hit me." He pointed to his forehead. "Jay, that asshole's so big, it hit him in the shoulder. Everyone started shooting and a guy next to me get hit." He pointed to throat. "That when I got sprayed. Jay pulled me out of there quick though."

Matt tried to embrace him but Mello ducked past him. "Help me get clean towels and bandages. We couldn't take Jay to a hospital 'cause apparently the cops are after him. This is the only place the other Families don't know about so he'll be safer here than at the warehouse with the rest of the men. I came ahead to make sure there's no one around." He began rummaging around cabinets and drawers. "Where the fuck did Jay put the damn morphine?"

Matt gathered towels and bandages and put them in the guest bedroom. Mello was gathering the rest of the medical supplies Jay had kept handy when Jay arrived, leaning on a guy with another guy following close behind.

Mello pointed to the guest bedroom turned hospital room. "Everything's in there."

"Hey, Matt." Jay said weakly. "Told you I'd see you again. Ow…fuck you, Robby." He groaned when the guy he was leaning on set him on the bed.

"Sorry, Jay." Robby brushed his long blonde hair from his eyes with his thumb. He turned to the other male. "Gio, you have the scalpel?"

"Fuck no. You are _not_ touching me." Jay yelled. "I'd rather do time."

"Mello, where's the morphine?" Robby asked. "Jay, if you don't fucking suck it up I'll give you a paralytic."

Jay grinned though the deathly pale shade of his face took away some of the humor. "You wouldn't." Gio left for a second and came back, sleeves rolled up, arms and hands spotless. He waited as Robby cut away Jay's shirt.

"Mello, give me the morphine." Gio injected Jay with the morphine. "Now hold him down." Matt held Jay's hand, more for support, while Mello held down his good shoulder and Robby held down his torso.

"Don't you fucking dare, you assholes." Jay growled.

"Sorry about this. Don't hate me for it later." Gio took the scalpel and proceeded to dig out the bullet. Jay's back arched and his teeth were clenched in an effort not to scream. Mello and Robby struggled to hold him down while Matt worried about Jay breaking his hand, though he suspected he was holding back. The amount of pain he was in made Matt's stomach turn, forcing him to look away for a few seconds. When he looked up Jay had latched on to Gio's shirt as he continued to pry the bullet out.

"Almost there." Gio whispered soothingly. "I can see it. Just hold on." He took a pair of tweezers and pulled out the rest of the bullet. "That wasn't so bad. You're so dramatic." He joked.

"Fucker." Jay gasped and let go off Matt's hand. Gio laughed and turned to whisper something in Mello's ear. Mello left and returned with a bottle of scotch. Jay groaned. Gio took the bottle of scotch from Mello and poured it onto the wound. Jay nearly screamed but caught himself at the last moment.

"All I have to do now is stitch it up and we're done." Gio informed him.

Matt watched, from the corner of his eye, as Mello quietly left the room. After a moment he followed and found Mello in the kitchen with a bottle of whiskey.

"It's my fault. I warned Danny against this. I told him it would happen." Mello murmured before taking a swig from the bottle. "There'll be bad feelings between the families after this…I can't believe this fucking happened."

Matt embraced him from behind. "It wasn't your fault. Jay knows the risks and this is one of them."

Mello placed his hand on top of Matt's for a second. "I know." He stepped out of the embrace and placed the bottle on the counter. He looked down at his blood-stained clothing and sighed. "I need a shower."

"Alright." When Mello was out of sight, Matt poured the alcohol down the drain. _He's not going to be happy but I hate this shit. I can't let him keep drinking it. _Images of his uncle raced through his mind. _Sorry Mells but I have to get rid of it. _He took the rest of the liquor and poured them down the sink as well.

**I didn't have the heart to kill Jay off. It seemed...cruel. So I hope to have many more chapters with him ^_^**


	15. Chapter 15

"Where is all the fucking alcohol?" Mello yelled when he came back. He started opening and slamming the cabinets closed. Robby had left but Gio stayed to make sure Jay didn't rip out his stitches throwing a fit. Mello turned his temper to Gio; who was seated on the couch, next to Matt, reading a newspaper. "Where's my alcohol?"

Gio folded his newspaper and stood. "Jay's been quiet. I'm going to check on him."

"No one's going anywhere until I get my alcohol." Mello ranted.

"I dumped it." Matt admitted. _He has to find out some time. _Gio left…quickly.

"What?" Mello narrowed his eyes.

"I. Dumped. Your. Alcohol." Matt said calmly.

"Why the hell did you do that?" The blonde was visibly trying to calm down.

"Because you don't need that shit to help you cope with your issues."

"Who said I have fucking issues?" Mello raged. "You don't know shit about me."

"Fine, maybe I don't but I do know that you don't need alcohol."

"You don't know shit!" Mello practically screamed as he pounded his fist on the counter top.

"We can talk after you've calmed down." Matt stalked off to take a shower.

_I don't know shit? ME?! He's the one who doesn't know shit. _He thought as the warm spray hit his back. He was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn't see or hear Mello enter behind him.

Matt jumped when he spoke. "I'm calm. Let's talk."

"You're in the shower." Matt was utterly surprised at the sudden invasion of privacy.

Mello nodded. "And so are you."

"You are in the shower with me."

Mello cornered him, placing his hands on the tiles, either side of Matt's body and grinned mischievously. "What? It's not like I haven't seen you naked before."

"Yeah but this is completely different."

"Why, because we're both naked and all I want to do is talk? I think this is a positive progression in our relationship."

"How so?" Matt placed his hands on Mello's chest, trying to keep him back and trying to hide the fact that he was becoming aroused.

"It shows we're comfortable enough with each other to be naked _and _talk without sex."

"Yeah, no sex." Matt murmured. He was definitely aroused.

"I'm sorry I lost my temper. I didn't mean it. I just don't understand why you dumped my alcohol." Arousal…gone.

"I'm not having this conversation now." Matt pushed slightly against his chest in an effort to get some room but Mello wouldn't move. "Back up dammit."

"No." Mello nipped at his neck. "Fine. I'll stop talking."

"I'm not…would you…" Matt couldn't think straight with Mello sucking at the base of his neck. "Mells we can't do this." He pushed Mello away as gently as possible. "We can't keep fighting like this and just let it go without actually talking about it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ever since you found me, you've never asked me why I took drugs or why I cut. You just let it go like it didn't matter."

"That's not true. It matters. I _do_ care." Mello said firmly. "What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? I can only try."

"First: I want to get out the shower." Matt turned off the water. "Second: I want to talk, just talk." He stepped out, wrapped a towel around his waist, and went to the room they shared. Mello followed. They put on a pair of pants and sat on the edge of the bed.

"So why did you start…the drugs and the cutting?" Mello asked.

Matt told him the same thing he told Jay. He told him everything about his uncle, his mother, and the shooting. "I think about it every day. I needed something to take my mind off it."

"Do you still think about it?"

"I try not to. It's better with you around." Matt smiled. "So what about you? Why do you drink?"

"Well, I don't know." Mello answered, slightly surprised. "I started shortly after I got into the mafia. It just helped me deal with the stress, I guess."

Matt tugged at his lover's hair playfully. "That's what you have me for."

Mello laughed and ruffled Matt's hair in retaliation. They were soon wrestling, each trying to pin the other on the bed.

"Got you." Mello pinned Matt under him. "I think I deserve a reward." He leaned down for a kiss.

Matt laughed when he heard Mello's stomach growl. "How about I make you a chocolate cake instead?"

"I can live with that." Mello jumped off and hurried to the kitchen. "What are you waiting for? I'm starving. Hurry up, Matt."

"Help me get everything out." Matt began taking out all the utensils and food needed.

"Aw, Matt there's no chocolate chips. If you're going to make a chocolate cake we _need_ chocolate chips."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll go get some." He went back to the room to grab a shirt and grabbed the keys to Mello's red corvette.

"I should probably get more chocolate." Matt mused out loud as he browsed the isles. "Oh, fuck it. I might as well get more food since Gio's staying." His arms laden with groceries he walked carefully back to the car.

"Hey aren't you Mello's friend?"

"Um, yeah." Matt stretched after putting the groceries in the back of the car. "So?"

"Great."

Matt didn't see the guy. All he knew was that a cloth was pressed over his nose and mouth and he was soon drifting off into oblivion.

**Sorry it took longer than usual. Family... -_-**


	16. Chapter 16

He was standing, cuffed to something above to keep him up. He was also blindfolded and gagged.

_Shit. This sucks._ He tugged at the cuffs.

"Hey, the kid's awake." Someone called. Judging by the footsteps that came towards him, there were maybe four people. Someone prodded him in the side. "We should kill him now." One said. "Let's just get it over with."

"No. We have to making that brat Mello pay for the loss of our boys _and_ those fake drugs. Killing his friend would be too easy."

"Come on, boys. We have all the time we want to play with this little bastard." Matt growled when the guy prodded him. The man slapped him across the face. "Who do you think you're growling at, you piece of shit? You better learn your place." Footsteps echoed as they walked away.

_Think Matt. Echoing footsteps…._ He stiffed the air. _Mold, grease, and rust. It's most likely a warehouse. Echoing footsteps…abandoned. I can't be too far away from the city._

He pulled at the cuffs again, feeling the way the object he was cuffed to creaked a little.

_It's probably a pipe of some kind. All I need to do is get to my pocket. I hope it's strong enough. _He swung his legs up to wrap them around the pipe. Hooking his right arm over it brought his knees closer to his head. He managed to get his left hand to his pocket to get his lock pick. It was easier than he remembered and he soon landed on the ground. He swiftly removed the blindfold and gag and looked around for an exit. There was only one and unfortunately it was the one the gangsters just went through. There was no way to tell if they were still there or not.

"Hey! Kid got loose!" One of the men appeared in the door and shouted a warning to the others.

Matt looked around wildly._ Shit shit shit shit shit…window._ Matt moved faster than he ever had in his life, clambering on the conveyor belts and swinging up on pipes. He almost made it when a pipe he had just grabbed onto broke. He managed to grab another pipe on his way down, slowing his descent. He lay still as the gangsters surrounded him.

_Fuck. It was a good try though. Damn pipe._

"Looks like our toy tried to escape." A guy with long greasy blonde hair ground the heel of his boot into Matt's shoulder. "I think we should teach him a lesson." He smirked.

"You dirty asshole. Get off of me." Matt said.

The greasy blonde stopped smirking and kicked Matt in the stomach. "Have at him, boys."

The rest of the men began beating him with pieces of pipes and kicking him. One caught him in the jaw, knocking his head back. Blows rained down on his sides, his stomach, his shoulders. He curled up, putting his arms over his head, trying to protect his stomach and head.

"Enough." The blonde grabbed Matt and lifted him into a kneeling position. He grabbed the gamer's chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You learn anything, you little shit?"

"G-go to hell, dumbass." Matt spat blood onto his face.

"You need another lesson." The blonde wiped blood from his face.

"Go ahead and try you stupid fuck. I never was much good at paying attention."

"After this you'll learn. I'm going to make you my bitch."

Matt felt himself go cold inside. "Don't touch me, you sick fucking bastard."

The blonde stepped back and began to unbuckle his belt. Matt tried to get up but the others held him down and practically ripped the clothing from his body. He struggled and cursed the entire time, throwing a punch whenever he got the chance.

_Fuck _

------------------

_Three days later_

They left him in a corner, not even bothering to have him chained since they had broken his arm and he couldn't climb to reach the window. He couldn't get out by the exit either because they never left. In fact sometimes they're 'friends' would come over. Matt shuddered.

_I have to get out off here. _His eyes shifted back and forth looking for anyway out. A slap came out of nowhere.

"What are you doing, bitch? Looking for a way out?" The blonde towered above him.

Matt shook his head quickly.

"You better not be." He grabbed a fistful of Matt's hair, making him flinched. "I _will_ teach you another lesson."

"I bet you would. Pervert." Matt mumbled and instantly braced himself for another slap.

The greasy blonde raised his hand to deliver the blow but stopped himself when he heard gunshots from the other room. "Shit. What the fuck is going on?" He drew his gun and released Matt. There were more gunshots and men in what looked like SWAT uniforms appeared, accompanied by two very familiar people.

The blonde male took off his jacket and covered Matt with it. Matt allowed himself to be carried out, his broken arm dangling. "Alright, let's move out." He told his men

"Anthony, right?" Matt asked when he was helped into a black Porsche.

"Yes, that's right." He slipped into the front seat, the woman sat next to him.

"The lady?"

"Halle Lidner." She introduced herself. "You should take it easy for awhile. Near sent us to get you."

Matt looked out the window and was silent until they got to the SPK headquarters. They had him rushed to a different part of the building where all his injuries were treated. He soon found himself in a large room, resting in a large bed, freshly cleaned and with clean clothes, arm in a cast.

"Hello, Matt." Near walked into the room. "I'm glad to see you're alive."

"Hi, Near." Matt stared at the ceiling. "How'd you find me?"

"It wasn't hard. Some men will say anything with a bit of persuasion." He twirled his hair around his finger. "I contacted Mello and told him you were here. I figured while you wait for him you might want something to do." He pulled a PSP out of his pocket and handed it to him.

Matt latched onto Near's wrist and pulled him onto the bed. "Thank you, Near." He pulled the snow-haired child into a one-armed embrace. He rested his head on Near's shoulder and cried. Near held him until the tears stopped coming and exhaustion overwhelmed him, sending him through a whirlwind of nightmares.

**AN- I know, I'm awful for making Matt go through that. **_**I **_**don't even know what I was thinking. I'm an awful mean person. At least he got out ok…right?**


	17. Chapter 17

"Get off of him." Matt woke to see Mello grab Near by his shirt and shake him roughly. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"He needed someone. Where were you?" Near's voice held no emotion.

Mello tensed. "Shut up, you freak. I looked for him."

"But you didn't find him. I did." Near actually sneered. "It's your fault he's like this. If it weren't for you, this would have never happened." Near yelled.

"Shut the fuck up." Mello screamed and punched the snow-haired genius.

Near's face returned to it normal emotionless look. It was like he didn't feel any of the punches.

Matt shook his head, his thoughts muddled by the painkillers. _Have to stop Mello. _Mello was taking out all his frustrations on the small genius and Near was letting him. _Just fight back Near. _That's when it occurred to Matt. _He won't fight because he doesn't want to hurt Mello. Even if Mello hates him, Near won't hurt him. _Moving slowly because of his broken ribs, Matt made his way to the edge of the bed to grab the back of Mello's leather vest. Mello, interrupted in the middle of his venting, turned around and slapped Matt on the cheek. _Just like a bitch. _At least he focused long enough to look horrified with himself.

That's when Near snapped. Grabbing Mello's vest, he flipped him over onto the floor. "Get out." Near snarled.

Mello turned to Matt who was nursing his stinging cheek. "Matt, I didn't…it was an accident I swear. I'm sorry."

"Just leave." Matt muttered. _That fucking hurt._ "Come back when you can act civil."

Mello clenched his hands into fists. "Fine." He left reluctantly.

"Are you ok?" Near touched Matt's cheek gently. "I'm sorry he hurt you."

Matt flinched. "I'm fine. You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything." Matt sighed. "I had to stop him. He get so…physical sometimes."

Near wiped blood from his nose and smiled jovially. "It's quite alright. Before I came to Whammy's I lived in Britain with my older brother. I was always being bullied so he taught me to fight. So I'm used to it."

"What happened to your brother?" Matt lay back against the pillows, wincing at the pain his ribs caused.

Near shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed. "One day he just didn't come home. I lived by myself for awhile but someone figured it out eventually. I was only eight."

"I'm sorry."

"Why? I'm not. If it didn't happen then I wouldn't have meet you."

Matt looked at the blood stains on Near's shirt. _Mello can be such an idiot sometimes. _He began unbuttoning Near's shirt though it proved somewhat challenging because his right arm was broken so he used his left hand.

"Does it bother you?" Asked Near.

"What?" Matt concentrated on the task, his tongue poking out in frustration at his clumsiness.

"The blood." Near moved to help him.

"Not really. Well…yes." He admitted, letting Near finish the task. "Kind of stupid right."

"After what you've been through, no, it's not." He wiped the rest of the blood of with his shirt and let it fall carelessly to the floor, out of sight. "I'll call you up something to eat. You probably haven't eaten in days." He reached for the phone on the nightstand and began talking to someone on the other end. He looked up when Near started mentioning chocolate items.

"Chocolate?" He asked when Near hung up. As far as he knew neither of them really liked chocolate.

"For Mello. Would you like me to get him now or wait? I must confess I do enjoy having you alone. Things do get lonely without you here." Near smiled.

"Can you get Mello? I was probably harder on him than I should've been. I'm sorry I left you Near but…"

"I understand." Near quickly hopped off the bed and went to go get Mello.

_Fuck. I'm tired. I wish I could just forget everything ever happened. Shit…I'm never going to forget. _He sat up as Mello rushed into the room followed by a very surly-looking Jay, arm in a sling.

"What are you doing here?" He asked Jay.

"I can't come visit?" Jay asked as he looked around. His face lit up when he found what he was looking for. The TV remote.

"Matt, I am really sorry. I don't know what happened. You have to believe me; I would never do that on purpose." Mello said frantically trying to get Matt to believe him.

"Calm down, Mells. I know you wouldn't do anything like that." Matt pinched Mello's cheek just because he knew he hated it. "I forgive you."

Near came in carrying a tray loaded with food and set it on the bed. _I don't even remember seeing him leave. _

"I got you each something." At least he was wearing a clean shirt.

Everyone grabbed a dish but Mello and Near. "The chocolate was for you, Mello." Near began playing with his hair again.

"I'm not eating anything of your's." Mello sneered.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Would you two get over your rivalry and not fight for once?"

"I am _not_ going to even try and get along with him." Mello stated. Matt glared. "Fine." Mello grumbled and offered his hand to Near who seemed to have no objections.

When they were finished Matt watched as Mello and Near tried to hold a civil conversation but failed.

_They are such idiots. It takes too much energy to hate someone. I rather waste it trying to get rid of these fucking memories. _Matt rubbed his forehead and looked up to see both Near and Mello looking at him with worried looks on their faces.

"Would you stop staring at me." He snapped. Moving slowly, he made his way off the bed. "I need a bath."

"I'll help you." Mello and Near said in unison.

"Back off, you-" Mello took a breath. "I'll do it myself." He said calmly and helped Matt to the bath. "I almost wish Near hadn't gotten to you before me." He muttered when they were alone. Matt looked at him with surprise. "When Near told me happened I wanted the satisfaction of killing the bastards myself." He explained as he helped Matt remove his clothes and step into the gigantic bath.

Matt sunk in until the water reached his chin, careful to keep his cast out of the water. Mello sat on the tiles and leaned against the wall. The gamer stared first at the steaming bathwater then at his lover. _Fuck it all. _"I want to die." He said softly.


	18. Chapter 18

Mello looked at him sharply. "Don't say that."

"It's true."

"When you remember them do you think about your uncle? Is that why?" Mello looked at him with sympathy.

"Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?" Matt felt tears prick the corners of his eyes but he didn't care.

"You're not the only one who's been through this. I know that doesn't make it any better but at least you're not alone in this and I'm here for you."

Matt covered his eyes with his hand and wept silently. "You don't fucking get it. I can feel their hands on me all the time. Their laughing at me, hitting me, touching me and I get disgusted with myself because I let it happen."

"How?" Mello yelled. "How exactly did you let it happen? Did you lie on the floor and say 'hey, rape me'? No you didn't. I know because I know you." He pounded the floor with both fists. "Stop trying to leave me, Matt. I know I'm not the best person to be with but I'm trying. I'm here for you!"

"You can't help me." Matt sobbed.

"I can't. So who can? Near?" Mello rose angrily. "Fine. Leave me, again."

"No, Mello, it's not like that." Matt reached for him, tears running down his face, pain blazing on his ribcage. "Please." He pleaded. "Don't think of it that way."

"I'm sorry. I overreacted." He knelt next to the side of the tub, resting his elbows in the edge, voice shaky. "Does it hurt?"

"No. It tickles." Matt said deadpan.

"You want me to help you out?" He held out his hand and Matt took it.

They walked out the bathroom; Matt dressed in a clean pair of jeans but didn't bother with a shirt. They stared in amazement at the scene before them. Jay had his shirt open and his head rested on Near's lap. Near tenderly lay his hand on Jay's chest examining the gunshot wound.

"Close your mouth." Mello laughed softly in Matt's ear. "Besides he's only a couple years older than us."

"He's twenty-one?" Matt asked, stunned.

"Yeah. You never sneaked a peak at his I.D.?"

"No, I didn't really care about all that stuff."

Mello helped Matt onto the bed. Neither Jay nor Near took any notice of them. "I see you're having fun." Mello sat behind Near.

_He's probably more comfortable now that their rivalry has ended. _

Jay blinked and blushed self-consciously while Near simply smiled. "You're friend James is quite the character."

"James?" Matt snickered.

"Shut up." He muttered. "It's a perfectly normal name."

"I like it." Near said. Matt noticed he didn't bother to remove his hand from Jay's chest. His comment only served to deepen Jay's blush. "Matt, would you like to stay here until you're healed? Mello, you're welcome stay of course and Jay, you can have a room of your own."

Mello turned to Matt. "I think it's better if you stay until you're well. I don't mind staying either."

Near smiled again. "Good. James, shall I get you your own room? There's one available next to mine."

"Sure, whatever you want." Jay mumbled trying not to smile.

Near brushed Jay's shaggy brown hair from his forehead, a mischievous glint in his eye. "_Whatever_ I want?"

Matt smiled to himself._ At least he's smiling a lot more. I'm glad he's happy._

Near and Jay left, making some excuse as they walked out.

"Well it's about time he found someone. It's kind of weird it's Near though." Mello lay back on the bed to rest his head on his hands.

"I'm just glad Near found someone."

Mello turned to look at his lover. "Are you going to try and kill yourself?"

"I want to," He admitted. "But I won't leave you." He ghosted his fingertips across Mello's cheek. "I love you, Mells."

"I love you too, Matty." Mello smiled.

They watched TV together for a couple more hours before Mello fell asleep next to Matt. Quietly, the gamer snuck out of bed and crept to the bathroom feeling absolutely disgusted with what he was about to do. It was like a repeat from last time he was here, only the reasons behind it were much different. Taking a razorblade and painfully sliding down his jeans, he dragged the razorblade across his thigh making two long, bloody cuts. Sighing heavily, he rested his head against the wall.

_Fuck. I can still hear them laughing. _He took the razorblade and dragged it across his thigh once more only more forcefully, making the cut deeper. He put his jeans back to rights and crawled slowly back into bed. The material irritated the fresh wounds but Matt welcomed it. Anything to help ease the emotional pain. Anything to let him forget about them touching him, _violating_ him. He focused on the pain. As long as it let him forget, at least for a little while.

**AN- Thank you everybody who has reviewed. It helps me update faster…really. Big thanks to my top three reviewers jinnabun, AnimeFreak4261, and Josephine Falnor. Thanks goes to everyone else who's reviewed as well. Reviews = love ^_^**


	19. Chapter 19

Matt woke to someone stroking his hair lightly. Panic set in and his body broke out into a cold sweat. He curled into a ball on his side, ignoring the pain the material of his jeans caused when it brushed against the cuts on his thigh. Trembling, he awaited a blow he was sure was coming.

"Matt? Are you ok? You're shaking."

_It's only Mello. _Matt took a deep breath even though it made his ribs hurt. Slowly, he stretched out. "I'm fine. I just thought…" His stomach rolled. He felt nauseous thinking about what had happened.

"Those bastards." Mello muttered under his breath. "I would have killed every last one of them myself. Damn Near." He pounded the mattress with his fist. "Fuck him. Why is he always one step ahead?"

The red-head reached out and tentatively held Mello's hand in his own. He had no words to comfort his lover. If Near hadn't shown up when he did Matt could have been in worse shape or dead.

"How did Near know I was missing?" He asked suddenly.

"I told him." Mello admitted with a grimace. "I got worried. I heard you got taken but no one I questioned knew where you were taken. I gave up trying by myself and contacted Near."

Matt simply nodded. He tensed as Mello lay next to him, his breath warm on Matt's neck.

_Stop. _Matt thought to himself. _It's only Mello. Calm down. _He forced himself to relax and tried not to think about _their_ breath on his skin. His stomach rolled.

The door opened suddenly and Matt, out of the corner of his eye, saw Mello scowl as Near entered followed by Jay.

"Can't you knock?" Mello grumbled.

Jay shrugged, wincing at the pain it caused in his shoulder. "I can but it takes too much effort." He joked.

"Good morning Matt…Mello." He added somewhat grudgingly. "We came to see how Matt was doing today."

"I'm fine, thanks." Matt said as he sat up, groaning softly at the pain in his ribs. He suddenly felt claustrophobic as Jay and Near moved closer the bed and practically leapt from it in his haste to get away. "I… I need to go… to the bathroom."

He rushed to the toilet and heaved until there was nothing left. After rinsing the taste from his mouth he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had avoided it but now as he looked he felt nauseous again. His cheek was bruised, his nose was cut on one side, and there was a hand-shaped bruise around his throat from when they had choked him.

_I look like shit. _Images from those terrifying days ran through his mind causing him to shut his eyes. Matt could remember their voices, making him cover his ears.

_Stop, Matt. It's over. They're dead, they can't hurt me. _He repeated the last line over and over but he could still remember the humiliation, the pain.

"Shut up." He said aloud. The nausea sending him back on his knees in front of the toilet, dry-heaving. Matt drew a shaky breath and willed himself to calm down.

There came a knock at the door followed by Mello's voice. "Matt?" He called through the door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Matt replied. "Just give me a minute."

"Matt…" Mello sighed. "Just come out soon. OK?"

"Yeah. Sure." Matt looked at his reflection again. After taking the razor from it hiding place, he pulled his pants down enough to expose his thigh and the recent cuts. Taking a breath, Matt dragged the razor across the thigh, just under the other cuts.

_Focus on this._ He told himself. _Forget it happened. Just forget fucking everything. _

It wasn't as if he hadn't felt the cravings for the drugs before, but Mello was there to help him through that. Now, though, he needed it. He needed to forget.

After fixing his pants he slipped the razor back into it's hiding spot and made sure it was well concealed.

Matt walked back into the bedroom to find Mello and Near trying to stare each other down. Matt cleared his throat loudly to get their attention.

"Finally." Mello shot Near a final glare before giving Matt an airy smile. "I though you'd never come out."

"Yeah, well, here I am." Matt mumbled. He climbed back onto the bed, pushing Jay out of the way with his feet. He tried not to feel so claustrophobic surrounded by his friends but he couldn't help it.

"Are you hungry?" Near asked. "I'll have someone bring something up."

"I'm fine." Matt said.

Mello simply sneered at the white-haired boy.

Near ignored him and looked at Jay. "What about you James?"

"Yes, James. What about you?" Mello mocked Near.

Jay flicked Mello off and turned to Near. "Sure. Order up whatever."

Mello rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, most likely to give an insult but Matt poked him in the side and he closed his mouth.

"What's with you?" Matt asked his lover softly as Near was preoccupied with the phone and Jay was flicking through TV channels.

"Nothing. I tried to get along but I can't. The freak annoys the shit out of me." Mello shrugged casually.

"I'm not asking you to be friends. Just be civil."

"Fine but if he says something first I will beat the shit out of him."

Matt shook his head. "Try to control yourself, please."

"Alright but no promises." Mello reached out to brush the hair from Matt's forehead causing him to tremble violently. Mello frowned. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know. It's not you. I'll get over this, don't worry." The red-head said.

"Alright. As long as you know you can talk to me."

They were interrupted by Jay's cell phone ringer. They watched as he talked to the person on the other end and hung up.

"Danny says 'where the fuck have you been'." Jay told Mello. "He also said that's the last time he let's a kid handle grownup affairs."

"Who the fuck is he calling a kid?" Mello shouted. "I'm more than capable for the job. If that jackass didn't check the fake bag we would've been in the clear."

"Calm down, Mello." Near said. "Think of it this way. The risk of anyone else hurting Matt is slim now that you're not directly involved in the business."

"Are you saying it's my fault what happened to Matt?" Mello yelled.

"I didn't say anything like that. You did." Near smirked.

Mello flew at the white-haired genius, aiming a blow at his head. Near dodged easily and kicked Mello's legs out from under him which only served to infuriate the blonde further.

Matt sighed. He didn't see the point in trying to separate them anymore.

Before Mello could attack again, Jay was between them, holding Mello back with his good arm. "I think it's time we left you two alone." He pushed a very compliant Near out the door in front of him. "Bye, kid. Hope you feel better."

"I," Mello fumed. "Will kill that little bastard."

Matt wasn't thinking about Near. He thought about his recent ordeal and the substance which would help him forget, if only for a moment.


	20. Chapter 20

Matt looked pleadingly at Mello. "Can you leave me alone for a minute? Just for a minute." He reassured the blonde. "I just need to be by myself and think."

Mello still looked unsure but he replied, "If that's what you want." He gave Matt one last look before he walked out the door.

Matt made sure Mello was gone before pulling out his cell phone. Scrolling through the list of numbers, he found the one he never thought he'd use again. He waited as the phone rang.

"Hello?" Came a hoarse voice from the other end.

"Paul, it's Matt."

"Hey, Matt, I thought you found a new dealer or something. You haven't been around lately."

"No, I didn't find someone else. I stopped using."

"So what are you coming to me for?" There was a moment of silence. "I knew you couldn't stay away. I told you the first time-"

"Shut up, Paul. I know what you said. Just meet me at the old spot." Matt felt disgusted by what he was planning behind Mello's back but he couldn't bring himself to stop now.

"Whatever. You got money?" Paul asked.

"Of course." Matt replied. "Meet me there in two hours."

"Coke or heroine?"

"Both." Matt hung up the phone. After slipping the phone back in his pocket, he slowly and painfully put on his shirt. As soon as he set foot out the door he ran into Mello.

"Where are you going?" Mello asked.

"I need to go out for a while. I'm just going to drive around for a bit." He brushed past Mello.

The pint-sized criminal was right on his heels. "I'll come with you." He offered.

"No." Matt said quickly. "I need to be by myself for a little while. Understand that please."

"I don't want you going alone. Take Jay at least." Mello pleaded.

"I'll be fine. I'm just going for a drive. You can even call every second if it makes you feel better." Matt hesitantly kissed Mello before navigating his way down to the garage. After a brief conversation with one of the security guards, Matt soon had the keys to the Nissan Skyline and was cruising down the streets. He got to his old drug spot on time. He spotted Paul quickly.

"Hey." Paul strolled casually to the car. "Nice car." He looked at Matt's face. "What the fuck happened to you? You look like someone beat the shit out of you."

"Shut the hell up, Paul. Are you going to sell me the stuff or no?"

"No need to get so defensive. I feel bad enough as it is, selling this stuff to you. I mean, you just got clean and everything." Nevertheless, Paul handed him a wax bag full of heroin, a needle, and a packaged container of cocaine. Matt handed him the cash.

"Hey, man. Be careful. Don't over do it." Paul warned him before Matt drove off.

Matt parked the car a small distance from the SPK headquarters.

_I shouldn't but…_ He could remember everything the gangsters did to him. Without hesitation he prepared the heroin just like he used to. He willed his hand to stop shaking as he injected the drug into his vein.

He closed his eyes waiting for the drug to take effect. It wasn't long in coming. It was easier to breathe without his ribs hurting. His breath came slow and he felt warm all over. He was completely relaxed and slightly drowsy. The best part was he didn't care enough to remember anything that happened from before. They were only blurred images in time.

"Matt?" He heard a voice come floating through the slightly opened window.

Matt didn't even bother to hide the drugs and turned to the smiling brown face pressed against the window. "Todd? What the fuck are you doing here?" He unlocked the door. "Come in, it's cold outside." Matt smiled euphorically.

Todd opened the door, a cold wind blew inside but Matt didn't notice it. He was too high.

"I haven't seen you around lately. Shit! What happened to you? It looks like someone beat the shit out of you." Todd exclaimed.

"Don't worry about it." Matt grinned stupidly. "It was nothing. Some guys just kidnapped me, beat the shit out of me, and raped me but you know what?" He grabbed onto Todd's sleeve. "I am too high to care." He laughed effortlessly for the first time in days.

"Yeah, Matt, I can see that. You sure you're ok? I mean that sounds kind of fucked up." Todd picked up the drugs. "So you're still using?"

"I guess I am. You want some? Take the coke." Matt was clinging to Todd like a life line.

"Matt, maybe I should take you home. Where are you staying?" Todd took the cocaine and put out it out of sight when he noticed Matt eyeing it.

"No way, Todd. I can't go now my boyfriend would kill me if he found out I took drugs again. Seriously, he's in the mafia." Matt frowned. "Please, Todd. We were together in the streets, we're practically brothers. Don't tell him please." Matt leaned over forcing Todd to lean against the door, their noses almost touched.

"Calm down Matt. I don't even know you're boyfriend." He gently pushed Matt off of him causing Matt to fall back on the seat.

Matt gasped at the pain that broke through his drug induced euphoria.

"Matt, are you ok?" Worry was written all over Todd's face as he placed his knee on the arm of the chair to try and help Matt. He slipped and fell forward into an accidental kiss with Matt. They stayed that way for a moment before Todd seemed to realize what was happening and broke the kiss though he was still somewhat on top of the red-head.

"I'm sorry." Todd said quickly. "It was an accident."

Matt looked at him and smiled. "Todd, you're so cute."

Todd laughed. "Matt, I-"

One minute Matt was looking up at Todd, the next Todd was pulled off of him by a very angry Mello.

Mello held a gun to Todd's head. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He glared daggers at Matt's friend.

Todd looked fearlessly at him. "Get the fuck off me, shithead. I don't who the fuck you are."

"Mello." Matt interrupted. "Let him go. I know him, we were together when I lived on the streets. I fell and my ribs hurt so he tried to help me but he slipped and fell."

Mello put his gun away but continued to glare.

"Mells, why are you here?" Matt asked when Mello seemed to calm down.

"You haven't answered your phone. I got worried and found out that Near has tracking devices on all his vehicles."

Todd laughed softly. "So this is your boyfriend. He looks like he's in the mafia."

"You told him I was your boyfriend?" Mello asked with no small amount of surprise.

"Yeah," Todd answered. "He said that you-" He saw Matt shake his head behind Mello. "He just told me you were his boyfriend, that's all." He turned to Matt. "I think it's time for me to go. I have to go work the corner." He waved as he turned to go.

"Wait, Todd, don't go. Mells, can you leave us alone for a minute so we can talk?" Mat was trying not to laugh because of the drugs.

Mello frowned but went back to where he parked his motorcycle.

"Todd, come back with me. Come stay with me. It'll be like living on the street only way better." Matt grinned.

"Matt, you're high. I can't come stay with you. Mike would kill me."

"Don't worry. He can't get you where we're going. I promise."

Todd looked around uncertainly, as if he was afraid someone was watching him. "Alright, fine." He slipped into the passenger seat.

Matt drove toward SPK headquarters, Mello following close behind.

"What the fuck? You live here?" Todd looked up at the giant building.

"No, I'm just visiting. My ex-boyfriend lives here. He hates my boyfriend." Matt giggled. "It's awful but you know what neither of them is as cool as you." He laughed.

Todd simply smiled and walked with him into the building.


	21. Chapter 21

"Aw, man. You're an ass." Matt gasped as he watched Todd flush the drugs down the toilet.

Todd shrugged. "You'll thank me later." He sat beside Matt on the bathroom floor. Matt had convinced Mello to wait outside the room. "You're too high to see it right now." Todd continued.

Matt rested his head on his friend's shoulder like they used to do when they were living on the street. "I'm going to feel like shit tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know." Todd wrapped his arm around Matt's shoulders. "Don't worry. I guess I'm stuck here, so you can count on me. You could always tell you're boyfriend. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think. He seems to really care."

"He would be so disappointed. I told him, I promised, I would give it up."

"It's not that bad." Todd reassured him. "You could still be living on the street."

Silence. "Todd…I have to throw up."

Todd helped Matt to the toilet and handed him a paper cup filled with water when he finished retching.

Matt lay on the floor and looked up at the ceiling. "I can remember." He whispered.

"Remember what?"

"Everything that happened to me." Sorrow written all over the gamer's face.

"Don't think too much about it. Come on. Let's go sit on you're huge ass bed." Todd helped Matt up and walked out the bathroom.

"Who are you?" Near asked as soon as they came out.

"I'm Todd, Matt's friend." As soon as Todd saw Jay, all the naturally cheeriness he had about him vanished and was replaced when Todd pursed his lips, his eyes widened to something akin to horror.

Jay stared at the nervous black teen for a moment. "Don't I know you?" He asked.

Todd took off running with Jay right behind him.

"Hey!" Matt yelled. "Jay, leave him the fuck alone." With Near beside him, they caught up to the others. Jay had Todd by the scruff of his shirt and he was struggling violently to escape his grasp. Everyone spoke at once.

"Get the fuck off me." Todd said through clenched teeth.

"What are you doing? Let him go, Jay." Matt implored the Mafioso.

"What's going on?" Near asked.

"Would you all shut up?" Jay's voice rose over theirs. "Would you calm down, kid?" He told Todd.

"What's going on, Jay?" Matt asked.

"I've been looking for this kid for months." Jay kept tight hold on Todd's shirt.

"Please, don't bring me back there. I'll do whatever you want. Please." Todd begged.

"What is he talking about?" Matt demanded to know. Everyone started talking at once again.

"Shut the fuck up so I can explain." Jay cut them off. "I'm doing this as a favor. Todd, you're coming with me." He dragged Todd by the collar, begging and sobbing, down the corridor.

Matt and Near followed. "What the hell? You didn't even explain." Matt exclaimed.

"You two stay here." Jay told Near and Matt. Near shrugged and played with his hair.

"The hell I am. I'm going with you." Matt stubbornly stood his ground.

Jay looked skyward in an effort to maintain some patience. "Would you calm down? I'll bring you're friend back, safe and sound."

"You had better." Matt glared at the Mafioso.

Jay bent a little so they were eye level. "After all this time you still don't trust me?"

"Of course I do." Matt answered without hesitation.

"Good. Stay here." He left, dragging a protesting Todd behind him.

Near looked at the red-head. "_He _is your friend?"

"He's the first person I met when I came to the States. We were together on the streets. I got my own place, eventually, and asked if he wanted to stay but he said he didn't want to be a bother. I haven't seen him in forever." Matt took a cigarette from his pocket. They were silent for a moment until a thought popped into Matt's head. "Where's Mello?"

Near shrugged. "I don't know. Gevanni's missing as well." Near pouted. "I needed him to keep on eye on someone for me."

Matt looked thoughtful for a moment but immediately dismissed the bitter thoughts he had. "What's with you and Jay?" He asked as they walked together through the hallways.

"Nothing." Near was emotionless as always. "We've become good friends."

"Friends? You two look like more than friends." Matt took a pull from the cigarette.

"We're just friends. Besides, I still like you." He gave Matt a side glance. "But you like Mello. I guess it's better this way. Everyone at the orphanage always said I was going to be alone. But," he smiled jovially. "I think that this is a good thing. When you like someone too much, you get distracted."

Matt shrugged. "If that's what you want but you're not alone. I guess the now I consider you my friend."

--------------------

Two hours later Matt was alone staring at the ceiling from his bed. Near had left to work on the Kira case while Mello was off doing whatever it was he was doing. Jay and Todd were still out and Matt was beginning to worry. It wasn't as if he didn't trust Jay, but the way Todd reacted set off alarms in Matt's head.

Matt let out an exasperated breath. He was craving the drugs again. He got up and paced around the room, unable to think about anything but how he couldn't remember being kidnapped when he was on the drug. Those thoughts only led to actually thinking about being kidnapped. Matt was so upset he took his gameboy off the dresser and threw it against the wall.

"Fuck!" He yelled and collapsed to his knees, sobbing pitifully and grabbing fistfuls his hair. He tore the sheets from the bed in a fit of pure anger. When there were no more sheets on the bed he began clawing at the walls. It felt as if his chest was caving in and he needed room to breath. He left scratch marks on the wall but he didn't care. The pain of his fingers distracted him from any other thoughts and that was all he asked for. A distraction.

Someone grabbed him from behind but carefully so as not to hurt him.

"Get the fuck off me." Matt struggled violently to get away. "You fucking bastard." He yelled.

"It's me, Matt. Don't worry, I'm here." A voice said soothingly.

Matt went limp and cried. "Todd…Todd, I…I can't do this."

"What?" His friend asked.

"Live. It hurts... everyday."

"You can do it. I know it's hard but I'm here now and it'll get better. I promise." Todd kissed the back of Matt's head gently.


	22. Chapter 22

"Why did Jay take you away?" Matt asked when he had calmed down enough to think properly.

"Mikey is…was…my pimp. Jay took me to tell him I wouldn't be working for him anymore."

"Oh, Todd, I had no idea." Matt gasped. "You could've told me. I'm glad you're not working for him. So what did Mikey do?"

"Mikey refused to let me go, even though Jay offered to pay, so Jay pulled out a gun and shot him. No questions asked." Todd smiled blissfully. "Now I don't have to worry about him kicking my ass all the time."

His friend looked so unbelievably happy, Matt couldn't help but be happy with him. His smile quickly faded when he realized the Mafioso wasn't around. "Where is Jay?"

"We could hear you screaming down the hall. He went to get a sedative but I guess you don't need it now." Todd swung as legs over the edge of the bed. "I'll go get him if you want."

"No, I-"

"Well, it looks like you've stopped freaking out." Jay interrupted as he walked in. He dropped the syringe on the nightstand and sunk wearily onto the mattress.

"What the hell happened to you?" Matt started unbuttoning Jay's bloodstained shirt to check for wounds.

Jay pushed his hand away gently. "Nothing happened to me. This is usually what happens when you stand close to somebody that just got shot." He wiped blood from the side of his face with his sleeve.

Matt embraced the weary gunman with his good arm. Jay tensed at the unexpected touch but slowly relaxed and wrapped his good arm around the red-head to return the hug.

"Thank you." Matt said under his breath so only Jay could hear.

"You're a strange one." Jay laughed as Matt released him. "I couldn't let Todd live under the thumb of that pig, Mikey. Besides, I owed Todd. He's done some business for me in the past."

Matt narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What kind of business?"

"It's not like that. I just did some work for Jay digging up dirt on Mikey." Todd cut in. "I though you were going to turn me in when I saw you." He crouched on the bed, looking at Jay with such intensity. "Why did you do it? You could've just turned me in." He said in all seriousness.

"I hate child prostitution." Jay said simply. "Besides you did work for me and I had to repay you somehow."

"That's why I exist. So people can use me for their own pleasure and be done with me. I'm trash." Todd shrugged casually.

"No you're not." Matt latched onto the front of is friend's shirt. "Don't ever say that. You're not…you're not." He dissolved into tears all over again, leaning against Todd.

His friend rubbed his back soothingly. "Alright, Matt. I'm sorry. I won't say it again."

Jay stood and pats Matt's back comfortingly before resting his hand on Todd's shoulder. "You're a good kid." He said reassuringly. "The mistakes you make don't change that." He gave Todd a consoling smile and left them alone to comfort each other, taking the syringe with him.

"Todd, you're not trash. You can't be. You're so much better than me." Matt sniffed.

"No I'm not. You're so much stronger than me. You've been through so much and yet you can still feel emotion. You're actually living Matt, I'm just…existing. There are so many other guys I know that stop living. Nothing affects them anymore. You could hit them but they wouldn't feel it. They're empty." Todd sighed. "And I feel myself becoming just like them." He rested his chin on the top of Matt's head, still massaging his friend's back soothingly.

"I've seen them to; but you're not like them. You may seem like it sometimes but you always had a spark of life you that no one and nothing has ever been able to extinguish. Even when we lived in the streets, everyone used to envy you because you always seemed happy. You never let the despair of the streets break you. I wish I could be like you. I was broken long ago." Matt held onto him like a life line. Afraid to let go, as if something would come and tear his friend from his grasp.

"You're not broken. Trust me. You're just upset by what happened. Matt, you are one of the strongest people I know." He held Matt's head in his hands so the red-head was forced to look at him. "You'll see…you're not broken. I'll show you." He kissed Matt's forehead tenderly.

"Am I interrupting?" Mello walked in suddenly and glared daggers at Todd.

"Mello, where have you been?" Matt looked at his lover, surprise etched on his face.

"You kicked me out." Yelled Mello. "I guess it was so you could be with him."

"What? No." Matt shook his head.

"Look." Todd cut in. "I know to you it looks bad but nothing's happening here."

"Oh, great. Thanks for telling me. I _so_ believe you." Mello looked at him with disdain. He turned to Matt. "If you want to leave me just say it. Don't go sleeping with other guys behind my back. I was wondering why you won't even kiss me. You've probably been getting it from Near."

Hurt and confusion written all over Matt's face.

"Stop it." Todd told Mello fiercely. "How dare you fucking accuse him. He loves you."

"You don't fucking know what's going on between us. Sit down and shut the hell up." Mello yelled.

"I was raped and had the shit beat out of me less than a week a go and you're accusing me of sleeping with Near!" Matt screamed. "How could you? You really want to know why I haven't kissed you or had sex with you, _besides_ the fact I was just raped? I could possibly have an STD and don't want to give it to you. Is that what you wanted to hear?" He brushed past a stunned Mello and into the bathroom for solitude.

"Great job, asshole." He heard Todd mutter to Mello just as he slammed the door closed.

Matt took the razorblade out of it's hiding place and dragged it across the inside of his forearm.

"Matt? Matt, open the door." Todd pounded on the solid oak door. "Matt, don't lock me out. You can't just leave me out here alone?" He tried to joke but his voice shook with worry.

Matt leaned over the sink, blood dripping down the drain. His brow furrowed as he thought about Mello. That smell, that clung to Mello was different.

_I've smelled it before. _Matt thought to himself. He couldn't reflect in it further as the door opened. Todd pocketed his lock picking tool.

"You idiot." He muttered, tears in his eyes.


	23. Chapter 23

"There you are. Try not to get into any more accidents." The doctor smiled at Todd and Matt kindly.

"Oh, no, ma'am." Todd gave her his best innocent smile. "We're sorry to have bothered you."

The doctor laughed lightly. "You're not bothering me at all. I'm part of Near's personal staff. We almost never get any patients except for the routine physicals and such."

"Well, thank you again Ma'am." Todd pushed Matt out the door in front of him. "What is wrong with you?" He asked Matt. "Are you trying to kill yourself again?"

Matt looked at him with eyes half mast. A sad expression mingled with the look of curiosity at his friend's last statement.

"That's right. I knew you were cutting before. Why do you think your razors always disappeared?" Todd pulled him into the room.

Matt lay on the bed, bandaged arm covering his eyes. "I don't really care anymore."

Todd sighed. "You can't just stop caring."

"Watch me." Matt snapped. "It's really simple _and _it's better that way. If I don't care then it won't hurt. Why can't anybody understand that?"

"I do understand but just because I understand doesn't mean I'm going to let you sink into misery." Todd said firmly. He moved Matt arm. "Do you hear me? I won't."

Matt looked away and bit his lip, trying hard not to cry again. "Leave me alone."

"No."

"Leave me alone. I'm about to cry and I think I've made myself look like enough of an idiot for one day." Matt rolled over onto his side and buried his head in the crook of his arm.

Todd laughed. "Is that what you're worried about? Looking like an idiot?" Todd laughed until tears rolled down his face.

"Wow, thanks." Matt muttered.

"I'm sorry, Matt." Todd held his sides as he laughed. "It's almost a relief that you think crying in front of someone is your biggest problem."

Matt scowled for a moment but Todd's laughter was infectious and he could help but gave forth a sad smile.

The smile didn't last long as Near burst into the room followed by Jay. "Matt, what happened?" Near yelled. The worry was clear in his voice and on his face. "I heard you got into an accident."

Todd sobered quickly. "He did but he's fine now. I took him to get stitches and he'll be fine."

"Kid, you had us worried." Jay said as he smoked his cigarette.

"How did you know?" Matt allowed Jay to hold his hand to examine the bandage.

"I have the doctors and nurses page me whenever someone needs their help." The look in Near's eye told Matt that the doctors only paged him when it was Matt.

"Um, Near can I ask you for a favor?" Matt asked.

"Of course." Near played with his hair again and tried to look anywhere but at Matt's arm.

Matt looked at Todd imploringly. The jovial teen immediately took the hint and grabbed Jay's hand, dragging him out the room with him.

"Near, I want…I need to take…an STD test." Matt bowed his head in shame.

Near's eyes widened in surprise. "Alright. If that's what you want then I'll get one of my doctors."

Matt nodded. "I need to do this."

"I can have a doctor ready for you within the hour."

"Thank you." Matt closed his eyes and tried not to feel nauseous with the thought about what could be. "Near, could you not mention this to Jay? You know how his is. I don't want him to freak out over nothing."

"I understand." Near cautiously held onto Matt's hand. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

The red-head looked at him skeptically. "You don't know that."

"No but I have faith."

`--------------------

A couple hours later Matt was sitting on a high stool in Near's personal doctor's office.

"We're still waiting on two more of the tests but so far you're clean." The same doctor from before announced as she came in, carry a clipboard.

Matt nodded but didn't return the smile. He didn't feel clean. "Can Todd come in?"

"Of course." The doctor walked out and came back a few seconds later with Todd. She left again to give them some privacy.

"So?" Todd asked, shifting on his feet nervously.

"The doctor said they're waiting on two more tests but so far I'm clean." Matt put his elbow on the counter next to him and rested his head on his hand. He was suddenly exhausted.

"Well that's great." Todd looked at him nervously. "Are you ok? You don't look to good."

"I'm fine. Where's Mello?" _Why isn't he here with me? _

Todd shrugged. "After you locked yourself in the bathroom he left."

"Oh." Was all Matt said. _I can't expect him to be by me all the time. _

The doctor walked back in. "Well, Matt, it seems you're clean. One thing that bothers me is your low white count. I want you to get lots of rest and come back in a week ok?"

"I'll make sure he does exactly as you say." Todd grinned roguishly at the attractive doctor.

"Thank you, Todd." The doctor dismissed them with a wink and a smile.

Matt leaned on Todd as they walked back to his room.

"Really, Matt, you don't look to good." Todd's whole demeanor exuded worry.

"I'm fine I just have slept in awhile." He yawned to prove his point.

Mello came jogging around the corner and almost ran into them. "Matt, what are you doing here?" He asked apprehensively.

"I…I took…an STD test." Matt muttered. He was glad he had rolled down his long sleeves to hide the bandage.

"I, um…." Mello stuttered. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have gone with you."

"'Cause you left, asshole." Todd whispered under his breath.

Mello hugged the injured gamer gently. "I'm here for you Matt. We're still together aren't we? You're not mad at me, are you?"

"I'm not mad." Matt said.

"Great." Mello released his lover. "I'll go out and get you something from your favorite restaurant. OK? I'll see you later." He jogged past them and rounded a corner.

Todd and Matt kept walking and were about to turn the corner when they were almost run over again. This time by someone Matt had only seen once from the last time he had spent here with Near.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry." The man said, brushing his suit jacket nervously. His eyes widened with recognition. "Matt, I'm sorry."

"It's alright Gevanni. Have you met my friend Todd yet?" Matt absentmindedly brushed the hair from in front of his eyes with his hand.

"No, I have not. Hello Todd. How are you?" Gevanni extended a polite hand to Todd.

Todd's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Fine." He said tersely, refusing to shake Gevanni's hand. "Excuse us but we have things to do." Todd sneered as they walked past him.

"What was that about?" Matt asked as he lay wearily amongst the pillows of his bed.

"Don't worry about it. Go to sleep." Todd pulled Matt's boots off for him as Matt was already half asleep.

"Thanks, Todd. You're a great friend." Mumbled Matt.

"You to." Todd ruffled Matt's hair fondly.

Matt drifted off to a sleep devoid of nightmares or terrible memories.

**A/N- Ok so I like this story, I really do, but I'm thinking maybe one or two chapters left **_**unless**_** I get seven (7) reviews. K? If I get those lucky 7 reviews I may start taking ideas...maybe. Remember ~ reviews = love.**


	24. Chapter 24

"Checkmate." Near spoke with the same expressionless voice.

"Fuck." Todd muttered. "I was sure I was going to win that time."

"Will you two keep it down?" Matt complained as he pulled the blankets over his head.

"Sorry." The two said in unison.

Matt tried to go back to sleep but the noise of the chess pieces on the board wouldn't let him. He threw back the blankets and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Todd looked up from the game.

"For a walk." Matt replied.

"I'll come with you." Todd made as if to get up but Matt held up a hand to stop him.

"I'll be back in a minute. I just want to be alone for a second."

Todd shrugged. "If you want but come back soon." He warned.

"Fine." Matt left the two alone with their game.

He wandered the hallway for a good minute before he ran into Jay.

"Hey, kid. What are you doing out here by yourself?" Jay asked.

"Hey, Jay. I'm just thinking." Matt said.

"Lots to think about?" Jay stretched his good arm and brought his hand around to massage the tension out of his shoulder.

"I guess. Have you seen Mello? He left but he said he'd be back soon."

The Italian shook his head. "I haven't seen him since yesterday."

"That's strange." Matt frowned. "Oh, well, I guess I'll see him later." He shrugged.

"I'm heading out. If there's anything I can do for you just call. I'll see you later, kid." He ruffled Matt's hair as he walked past.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Matt grumbled as he tried to fix his hair.

Matt stuck his hand out and brushed his fingertips along the wall. As he walked he looked down at the floor and didn't see Mello as he turned the corner. They collided, Matt fell to the ground and Mello dropped the cartons he was carrying.

"Shit! Matt, I'm so sorry."

Matt winced at the pain of his ribs as he sat up. "It's alright." Mello helped him to his feet. "Where have you been?"

"Out." Mello said quickly. "I, uh, went to get your food. See…here it is." He gestured to the boxes on the floor.

"Um, yeah, I see." Matt gave Mello a curious look.

"Well, you go back to the room and I'll clean up here." Mello gently pushed Matt in the direction of the room.

"I can help you pick up." Matt tried to say.

"No, it's fine. I can do it myself."

"But I-" The gamer tried to speak.

"You go rest. I'll do it myself." Mello cut him off.

"O…K." Matt walked back to his room alone.

"You're back early." Todd exclaimed as Matt walked through the doorway. "Damn." He said as Near called checkmate for the sixth time.

"Yeah, I ran into Mello and he told me to go rest." Matt gave a one-armed shrug. "You guys are still playing? Move your knight to E5." Matt instructed Todd. "Now, pawn B2."

"Ha, Near. Checkmate." Todd pumped his fists in the air triumphantly.

Near gave a small smile. "You wouldn't have won if Matt hadn't helped you."

Todd gave a mock frown. "Don't ruin my victory." He scowled when Mello walked through the door. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Mello glared at him. "I share this room with Matt." He set the food containers on the nightstand.

"I couldn't tell. You're never here." Todd sneered. "So tell us, where _have_ you been?"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" Mello growled.

"Mello! Todd! Would you both, please, be quiet?" Matt cut in.

"I think I should go." Near got up to leave.

"Yes, and while you're at it take that piece of trash with you." The blonde glared at Todd.

"Watch who you're talking to." Todd snarled. "Don't think I'm above telling your secret. That's right. I know."

"Shut up, you whore." Mello yelled.

"What's going on here?" Matt had to yell to get their attention. He looked at them questioningly.

"Why don't you tell him, Mello?" Todd was livid.

"I told you to shut up, tramp!" Mello screamed.

Todd flew at him, fists swinging. Mello gave back as good as he got. Matt yelled and tried to get them to stop but they didn't listen. Finally, Near had to resort to calling security to pull them apart. As security split them apart, Jay walked in and watched the scene with mild interest.

"Don't you dare talk about _me_." Todd was breathing hard. His lip was swollen and a bruise was forming under his eye.

"Why don't you shut your mouth and stop talking about shit you don't know." Mello struggled to get free of the security.

"What is going on?" Matt said, exasperated.

"I don't know why do you ask your boyfriend?" Todd spat.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU DISGUSTING DISEASE RIDDEN SLUT!!!" Mello screamed. His eyes widened with surprise. He didn't expect the slap that Jay delivered across his cheek.

"Stop it." Jay said calmly. "That's enough. This is just disgraceful."

Mello pulled free off the security guards. "Fuck this. I'm leaving." He gave Todd a warning glare before stalking off.

"You can go." Near dismissed the security guards with a wave of his hand.

"Stupid fucker." Todd rolled his shoulder and sat heavily on the edge of the bed.

"Let me help." Near helped him to massage the soreness out of his shoulder. "You really beat Mello." Near said with a smirk.

"Near." Matt said warningly. "Todd, what the hell was that about? I know Mello was wrong to call you that but why were you provoking him? I thought you got along well before."

"If you don't know then I won't tell you." Todd winced as Near pressed against a particularly sore spot.

**AN- So I didn't get the 7 reviews I wanted, which is really sad. I thought more people liked the story :( . Anyway, I guess I'm ending it… maybe.**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN- OK you guys convinced me. I'll keep the story going. Thank you, everyone who reviewed. Are you happy now?**^_^

Six weeks past and the tension was so thick they could all feel it. Mello avoided Todd like the plague and they were rarely in the same room together. Jay and Mello were also rarely seen together but Mello didn't bare the same hatred toward him as he did Todd. The only positive so far was that Matt hadn't cut himself in those six weeks and he was finally able to get his cast removed.

"You're arm will be weak for a little while." The doctor told Matt. "I want you rest it for a couple of days before you start rehabilitation."

"OK, thank you." Matt flexed his arm experimentally, feeling some stiffness from its lack of use. He hopped off the examination table. "Thanks again." He waved to the doctor before leaving.

"How'd it go?" Todd asked, leaning against the wall.

"Fine." They walked down the hall together, to the garage. "Are you going to tell me what's going on between you and Mello yet?" He asked as he stepped into the Nissan Skyline.

"It'll either clear up on it's own or you'll find out on yourself." Todd stepped into the passenger seat. "I hope it's not the latter." He muttered under his breath.

They drove around aimlessly for about an hour. Todd blasting the radio and Matt smoking a cigarette.

"I'm hungry." Todd said suddenly. "Let's get something to eat."

Matt pulled into a parking lot in front of a restaurant without saying a word.

Todd looked out the window. "Chinese? Let's get Italian." His eyes widened and he pulled on Matt's sleeve. "Come on, let's go now."

"Can I at least get something?" He turned and looked out the window. "Mello!" He waved his hand out the window. "Gevanni! What are you guys doing here?"

Mello saw the red-head and reluctantly headed to the car, followed by Gevanni.

"Hey, Matt, how are you?" Mello asked before glaring at Todd.

"I'm fine. We just came out to get something to eat." Matt smiled. "How are you, Gevanni? What are you two doing out here?"

"I'm ok, thank you. We were just getting something to eat. Would you like to join us?" Gevanni asked.

"I'm sure they want to be alone." Mello said quickly.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want to ruin your time." Sarcasm clear in Todd's voice.

"Shut up." The blonde said through clenched teeth.

"Sure, why don't we all get something together?" Matt ignored Todd and Mello's bantering.

"You guys go ahead. Gevanni and I already ate." Mello pulled Gevanni away. "I'll see you back at the headquarters, OK?"

"Yes, leave... please." Todd sneered.

Mello flicked him off and continued to walk away, Gevanni following close behind.

"What is wrong with you?" Matt asked his friend.

Todd stared at him for a second and shook his head. "For someone who was third in the Wammy House, you can be really dense sometimes."

Matt poked his tongue out childishly. "No, I'm not." He drove until Todd spotted an Italian restaurant and jumped up and down on his seat until Matt stopped.

"Calm down." The gamer said. "What do you want?" He glanced at the menu.

Todd was silent. Matt looked to see his friend close to tears, biting his lip to held back.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked, immediately concerned.

"Nothing." Todd scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's just…I've never been anywhere this nice before."

Matt raised his eyebrows. "Well, Near gave us a shitload of cash so order whatever." He looked at the menu again. "You know what? Fuck it. Let's get everything." He motioned for the waiter. He ran his finger down half the menu. "We'll have all of this and the rest we'll take home in boxes in an hour."

The waiter looked at him strangely but went to take their order. Todd pounded his fists in the table and practically danced in his seat.

"Yes!" He breathed. A smile plastered on his face.

Matt smiled with joy.

-------------------

"Matt…Matt, I can't stand you'll have to carry me." Todd said jokingly as he leaned on his friend.

"You? I ate more than you." Matt groaned. They both held bags full of food and carried them to the car.

"Todd!" Someone yelled behind them.

Todd spun around. "Hurry up, Matt. Get in the car."

"What? Why?" Matt turned to look to but Todd opened the door and pushed Matt in.

Just as Todd was opening his door, a hand came and closed it.

"Todd, where have you been?" A man, presumably in his late forties, leered at Todd. "I haven't seen you working." He held Todd's chin with his thumb and index finger.

"I don't…I'm not…I…" Todd quaked with fear.

Matt tried to untangle himself from the bags and open the door.

"Don't tell me you're not working anymore." The man said. "How much for a night?"

"A hundred." Todd said automatically.

Matt kicked at the door and tumbled out. He pulled Todd from the man's grasp. "He's not working anymore. So you can find your kicks somewhere else." He said angrily.

The man laughed. "I see." He handed Todd a card. "Call me when your friend here gets rid of you. You know I always pay well." He smirked before he walked away.

Matt grabbed the card from Todd and threw it to the ground. "Asshole." He spat. "Come on." He dragged Todd back to the car.

"I'm sorry." Todd whispered, looking down.

"There's nothing to apologize for. That guy couldn't take 'no' for an answer." Matt concentrated on the road and tried not to let his anger show, even though it wasn't directed at Todd.

The sun-kissed boy shook his head. "I basically told him I'd do it. I told him how much." He held his head in his hands. "_Mello_ was right." He said with disgust. "I'm trash."

Matt took one of Todd's hands. "You're not. You're…" He searched for a good word. "You're Todd. My best friend and good person."

"…Thanks." Todd whispered.

Te rest of the drive was quiet, neither wanting to intrude upon the others thoughts. They brought the rest of the bags to the kitchens for storage and stole a cake on the way out. Matt held the plate as they walked.

"What's in these rooms?" Todd asked as he dug into the cake.

Matt shrugged and took a bite as well. "Near said that this floor was his private floor. I don't think any of them are used beside mine and his."

"Let's look." Todd gestured to one door with his fork.

"I don't want to pry." Matt licked his fork clean.

"If it's locked we won't try any more. Fair?" Todd asked.

Matt shrugged. "I'm not trying it though."

Todd grinned. "Fine, I'll do it." He pushed back the door.

What they saw made Matt drop the plate. He was completely blown away by what he saw. Todd quickly closed the door and held up his hands apologetically.

"Matt, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I didn't think…" Matt fell into his arms, completely drained of energy or will to even live. Todd was forced to carry him back to the room and lay him on the bed.

There was a knock at the door. Near entered followed by Jay.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked quickly, concerned by the expression on Matt's face.

In a hushed voice, Todd them what happened. Near held Matt in his arms while Jay stormed out the room, slamming the door behind him. The red-head was limp in Near's arms as the small genius whispered comforting sentiments into his ear.

It wasn't good enough. Matt could feel his world falling apart.


	26. Chapter 26

He didn't want to believe it but the evidence was right in front of his eyes. There was no denying what had taken place.

*_flashback_*

Todd grinned. "Fine, I'll do it." He pushed back the door revealing the last thing Matt ever wanted to see.

Mello had his arms locked around Gevanni's neck and they kissed with intensity that put Matt and Mello's to shame. Gevanni pushed Mello against the wall and pressed against him, their hips grinding together.

That was when Matt dropped the plate with a loud clatter.

Mello and Gevanni looked up from their actions and stared at Matt with horrified expressions on their faces. Todd closed the door on them and stuttered apologizes to Matt.

* _end flashback*_

"Matt? Matt, please talk to me." Todd shook Matt out of his thoughts.

"How long?" Matt whispered.

"What?"

"You told Mello you 'weren't above telling his secret'. How long have you known and why didn't you tell me?"

"A couple weeks." Todd admitted. "When he first accused you of cheating, I suspected but I wasn't sure until I smelled Gevanni's scent on his clothes. What kind of idiot doesn't shower after cheating? Amateur." Todd muttered under his breath.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Matt asked.

"I didn't want to hurt you. I figured it would clear up on it's own. I didn't think they'd be stupid enough to do it down the hall." Todd shrugged guiltily.

"And you." Matt pointed an accusing finger at Near. "Did you know?"

"Yes." Near said deadpan.

Matt let his finger drop and sighed. "Of course you did. Would you both get out for a minute?"

"I don't think we should leave you alone." Todd said.

"Just go." Matt demanded.

"But I—"

"GO!" Matt roared.

The two left the room reluctantly, leaving the gamer to himself.

Matt paced the room quickly. Anything not bolted to the floor was either tipped over or thrown against the wall, in his quiet fury. He moved on to the bathroom and tore down the shower curtains, threw everything from the cabinets to the floor.

"Matt." A voice came quietly from the doorway.

Matt spun around and faced his one-time lover. "Get the fuck away from me." He snarled.

The blonde's leather vest was unzipped and hung in a mess off his shoulder. His hair looked like bird's nest sitting on his head and a bruise was forming under his eye.

"Didn't you hear me? Get the fuck away from me. I don't want to see you." Matt snarled again.

"Please, just hear me out." Mello pleaded.

"Why should I?"

"Because I love you. What I did was a complete mistake. I didn't mean to, I swear."

"You _love _me? That's complete bullshit. You're telling me you didn't mean to go and have sex with another guy? You're full of shit!" Matt yelled. In another act of rage he shattered the mirror above the sink with his fist. Glass shards flying everywhere.

Mello took a step back at the look of fury on Matt's face. "Matt, you're bleeding. Don't get mad, please. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Hurt myself?" Matt took an enraged step forward. "You shouldn't be worried about me." He shoved Mello back against the wall in the bedroom.

"M-Matt, don't do anything you'd regret." Mello was shaking violently at the unexpected behavior Matt was exhibiting.

Matt punched the wall next to the blonde's head. "Don't fucking tell me what to do." He bowed his head and took a deep breath. "I should have never came back." He whispered.

"What?" Mello asked hesitantly, afraid to do anything to risk Matt's wrath.

"I should never have left my apartment. I should have never let you find me. I should've just died years ago."

"Don't say that."

"I'm going to do what I should have done before." He focused on Mello's blue eyes instead of the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. "We're done."

"What?" Mello was in utter confusion.

"We're done." Matt repeated. "I'm leaving. I'll get all my stuff out of your place within the week. After that I never want to see you again."

Mello slid to the floor. "No…you can't. I said I was sorry.... You can't leave me." He was utterly in shock.

Matt stepped over him. "Goodbye Mello."

"Where are you going?" Todd intercepted Matt as he stalked down the hall.

"Move Todd. I'm leaving." Matt brushed past his friend.

"Wait, I wouldn't go that way."

As soon as he turned the corner, Matt saw Jay talking to Gevanni, looking like he wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of him. Matt charged at the SPK member.

"You bastard." He said through clenched teeth as he wailed away on Gevanni with his fists. "You piece of shit. You knew. You_ knew _he was with me and you still…"

Gevanni blocked as many of the blows as he could until Jay finally pulled the gamer off him.

"Matt, calm down." Jay held Matt against his big barrel-chest. "You leave." He commanded Gevanni. The SPK member scrabbled backwards out of sight.

"He knew…he knew. Why?" Matt cried. "Why would he do that? What did I do?"

"It wasn't you. People make stupid mistakes." Jay said soothingly.

Matt broke out of Jay's grasp and scrubbed angrily at the tears that threatened to fall. "The only one to make a mistake was me. I'm leaving."

Jay nodded. "I understand."

Matt motioned to Todd who was leaning casually against the wall. "Let's go."

Todd's eyes widened. "You're letting me come."

"Of course." Matt scoffed. "I can't leave you alone."

**AN- Sorry it took longer than usual, I was updating my other stories XD Hope you enjoyed this one.**


	27. Chapter 27

"Wait. Please don't leave." Mello clung to the red-head causing him to nearly drop the boxes he was carrying.

"You're drunk. Get off of me." Matt pulled free, averting his gaze so he wouldn't have to see the broken look in Mello's eyes. Matt looked at Jay pleadingly. Jay simply shook his head, choosing to be neutral in this event.

"Give me another chance. I'm _sorry_." Mello begged.

"Get off of me. Shit." Matt dropped the box. "Stop it. Go find Gevanni." He sneered.

Mello looked hurt. "He doesn't mean anything to me. I just-"

"You just what? I wouldn't give you what you want so you find it somewhere else? Is that it?" Matt picked up the box and stormed past the distraught Mafioso.

"That's not it at all." Mello followed Matt all the way to his car. A new muscle car Near insisted he have before he left. "I got lonely." Mello yelled. "You never talked to me. You flinched if I even laid a finger on you. Near and Todd are the only ones you let get close to you. Jay knows more about what's going on with you than I do!"

"Fuck you." Matt threw the box into the trunk and slammed it closed. "You didn't even try. Todd was there for me after you threw me away. Near has never done anything negative at all and Jay has been good as well. And you, what have you done? You left me alone at Wammy's, used me to get back at Near, _and_ cheated on me."

"I make mistakes but I'm trying." Mello tried.

"You can stop now. I don't want you to try anymore." Mello slid into the driver seat, avoiding the temptation to look behind as he drove away.

"How'd it go?" Todd asked as Matt walked through the door of his old apartment.

"As well as you'd expect." Matt groaned, sitting down on the dusty couch.

"I asked if you wanted me to go."

"No need to make things more difficult." Matt propped his feet up on the arm of the couch and lay his head on Todd's lap. "You could go back to Near's if you want. I wouldn't blame you. It is nicer there."

Todd wrinkled his nose. "No way. Near's great and all but I couldn't live in some place that nice. Besides, I can't leave you alone."

They were disturbed by a sudden knock at the door.

"Matt! Talk to me!" Mello yelled as he pounded on the door. He sounded drunker than before. "I'll break down the door again. I will."

"Do you want me to handle it?" Todd asked.

Matt shook his head. "I'll do it." He got up reluctantly and opened the door. Mello fell on top of him. "What the hell?" Matt exclaimed as his pulled his hand away and found it covered with blood.

"Matt, you have to believe me. I'm a dick. I never meant to hurt you." Mello hiccupped.

"You're bleeding. What the fuck happened to you?" Matt asked as Todd joined him at the door.

"What the fuck is _he _doing here? You'll share a room with him but not me? That's mean Matt. That really hurts." Mello was actually crying.

"We are _not _together anymore. Now tell me what the fuck happened."

Mello looked confused. "We're not? But I said sorry.... I got into fight with your neighbor. He's a dick." Mello nodded dumbly.

The red-head sighed. "You got into a fight with my neighbor? Sit your drunken ass on my couch and shut up."

"Wait, you're letting him in?" Todd exclaimed.

"He's so drunk he probably won't even remember this. Besides, just because I'm helping him doesn't mean we're getting back together." Matt waited as Mello staggered to the couch.

"Thanks Matty. Your neighbor was one hell of a fighter." Mello's words were slurred so badly, Matt almost couldn't understand him.

"Yeah, I bet. Take off your shirt." Matt ordered.

Mello narrowed his eyes. "Your not trying to get me naked, are you?"

Todd snorted and helped Mello take off his shirt.

"You have really beautiful eyes, Todd. They're like…coffee with little green stuff in it." Mello stared at Todd. Without warning he hugged the stunned teen.

"Uh, yeah, you can get off now." Todd squirmed uncomfortably.

Mello shook his head. "I've been such a dick to you. I'm sorry. I was so jealous Matt likes you more."

"I doubt that." Todd tried to pull away but Mello wouldn't let him out of his grasp.

"I thought he was going to leave me for you and I got scared, you know? And then Gevanni started to talk to me and we went out for coffee and…did I mention I like your eyes?"

Matt coughed to regain Mello's attention.

"Oh, Matt, I forgot you were here." Mello quickly released Todd. "You're not really going to leave are you? Jay will be so disappointed and hey guess what?" Mello tugged on Todd's shirt. "He told me you have a thing for Near."

"Um, no I don't." Todd said quickly. He turned to Matt. "Are you sure he's just drunk?"

"He'll be fine. I'll call him a taxi and send him home after I make sure he isn't dying." Matt said sarcastically as he inspected a cut above Mello ribcage. "It's not bad at all. I'll clean it and you can go home."

"I don't want to." The blonde said drowsily. "I want to stay with you. I can't be with anyone else." He let his head fall back to the arm of the couch and passed out.

"Honestly, I have to say I feel bad for him." Todd admitted. "I don't think he's lying. I think he's really sorry."

Matt threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "You want me to forget he cheated? You want me to go back with him and act like nothing happened? I can't do that."

"I'm not saying forget but forgive. People make mistakes." Todd pointed at himself as an example.

"I can't just let things go back to normal. I look at him and I can see…" Matt grabbed fistfuls of his hair and bit his lip, trying to hold back tears.

"Alright, I won't tell you what to do. At least let him stay the night. He looks pathetic. No, really…look at him. He looks like shit." Todd made a disgusted face at the pitiful heap on the couch.

"Can't we just dump him in the bathtub and be done with it?" Matt whined.

Todd pulled Matt to the bedroom. "Even you're not that mean. Come on let's go to bed, snuggle buddy. It's been a long day."

"OK hold on a moment though." Matt took a sheet from the closet and draped it over Mello.

Todd smiled. "See. I told you."

"Shut up." Matt growled. "Remember it was your idea to let him spend the night. As soon as he wakes up, he's out of here."

"Softie." Todd muttered.

They lay together on Matt's single bed. Matt pressed against Todd and Todd wrapping his arms around Matt. For a moment Matt wished it was Mello.


	28. Chapter 28

Matt woke up to the sounds of commotion coming from the living room where Mello was staying.

"Fuck." He muttered. Without waking Todd, he crept to the bedroom door. He opened it just enough to look through. What he saw made him leap back onto the bed and shake Todd awake.

"Wake up. Wake up you idiot." Matt shook his friend frantically.

"What?" Todd asked, irritated.

"Mello said he got into a fight with my neighbor. A neighbor who I've never seen before. That person is in my apartment." Matt hissed.

"So? Tell him to get the fuck out." Todd said impatiently and lay back down.

"I've never seen that person as a _neighbor_." Matt shook Todd by his thin shoulders. "But I have seen him. He was the guy that kidnapped me. How the fuck did he even get away?" Matt was nearly hysterical and kept casting fearful glances at the door.

Todd bolted from the bed and looked out the crack of the door. "Shit. He's threatening Mello with a knife. If he stabs him the blood'll never come out." Todd frowned.

"You're worried about blood stains? That guy is…" Matt gestured at the door, trying to calm down as he attempted to find the right word.

"I can't go out there. He knows me. He was one of Mikey's clients."

"Get the fuck _off_ me!" Mello yelled suddenly. "You dumbass."

Todd groaned. "Fuck you, Matt. You have the worst taste in some people." He pulled of his shirt and pants so he was dressed in nothing but his boxers. "What ever happens, don't move and don't speak." Todd walked out the bedroom before Matt could do a thing. "What the hell's going on here?"

Matt watched through the small crack he made in the door. The greasy blonde that had kidnapped Matt, brandished his knife at Todd.

"What the hell are you doing here? Ain't you one of Mikey's whores? Get back on the street." He snarled.

"Mikey's dead, ain't you heard nothing?" Todd mocked the blonde. He gestured to Mello. "You're threatening my friend." He warned.

"And? What are you going to do about it?"

"Ah, come on; don't tell me you'd rather play with him than me." Todd pouted.

Matt had to bite his knuckle to prevent crying out to stop his friend.

"And what are you going to do?" The greasy blonde smirked.

Todd strode up to him, completely fearless, and ran his thumb seductively over the man's zipper. "Anything you want. But," he glanced at Mello. "You have to let my friend go first."

"Why should I? The little shithead busted my windshield." The guy brandished his weapon at Mello.

Todd shrugged. "You don't have to. I just thought you'd rather enjoy playing with me. I mean look at him." Todd pointed at Mello. "He drunk out of his mind. I don't think you waving a knife in his face really affects him. Besides, I'm _free_."

The man looked uncertainly from Mello to Todd and finally grabbed the blonde by his leather vest and dragged him in the direction of the bedroom. Matt leapt back and out of sight as Mello came crashing through the door.

"Stay in there." The guy told him with a warning and slammed the door closed.

"M-" Matt clamped a hand over Mello's mouth.

"Shut the fuck up." He snarled vehemently. "You got us into this mess and now Todd has to pay for it. You'll be lucky if _I _don't kill you after this." He sat with his back pressed against the door, feeling sick with the sounds he heard coming from the other room. He covered his ears and had to force himself to stay put.

_If only I had a weapon,_ he thought. _Mello's such an idiot. I can't believe this is happening... but if I go out there that guy will kill me. At least Todd's plan doesn't involve anyone getting killed. Damn Mello._

He could feel someone pound at the door and he could swear his heart stopped beating. He took his hands from in his ears.

"Matt? Open the door. He's gone." Todd called through the door wearily.

Matt got up and opened the door. His friend looked worse than ever. He looked totally exhausted and dragged his feet as walked.

"What happened?" Mello asked dumbly.

Todd stared at him for a moment and shook his head. Reaching past Matt, he grabbed his clothes. "I need a shower and brush my teeth." He shuddered.

"Sure. Wait, Todd, you're bleeding." Matt held Todd at arm's length.

"He hit me with his ring." Todd shrugged free and headed to the bathroom.

"You didn't have to do that." Matt was livid at what had taken place.

Todd spun around. "I either let you go out there and be killed by that maniac or I let Mello get stabbed. You may think you're over him but your not. So either way I really didn't have a choice." He stalked off to the bathroom to try and rid himself of the dirty feeling he had.

Matt turned on his heel and grabbed Mello by his leather vest. "Damn you. Every single thing you've ever put me through and Todd's right." He shook him roughly. "Why can't I just hate you?" Tears fell from his eyes onto Mello's cheek.

Mello stared up at him with a hurt expression. "Because, despite everything I've ever done you know it's never been to intentionally hurt you. I still love you."

Matt let go of the blonde. "You haven't even hurt me now. You had to go and fuck someone else's life up. Todd could have let just get stabbed but he didn't. He saved you by doing the one thing he never wanted to do again. He whored himself out, Mello. Do you understand that?" He yelled.

Todd poked his head out the bathroom door. "Really? One moment's peace between you two. That's all I ask." He closed the door before either of them had a chance to respond.

Matt took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I left my phone in the living room. I need to go make a call." As he turned to leave Mello grabbed his hand.

"I may be drunk still but take everything I say seriously. I love you. I wanted nothing more than to lay in bed with you all day, to feel your body under mine. I want to tell you every second how much I love you. I want to take care of you. I don't want to let anything bad happen to you, ever. Yet somehow I manage to screw everything up."

"Mello, stop." Matt said, feebly trying to escape his grasp.

"No. If I could erase everything bad I've ever done to you I would but I can't so all I'm asking is that you let me try again and do things right this time."

"Mello, I can't do this right now."

"Matt." Mello pleaded.

"Not now." Matt said firmly. "I need to make this call. If you want to talk later then fine." He went to the living room where he left his phone. Quickly dialing a number he held the phone to his ear. "Jay? Something happened. I need you to come over if you can. Please, it's important."


	29. Chapter 29

"What are you doing here?" Todd asked as he came out the bathroom, wearing only his pants and still brushing his teeth.

"Matt called me." Jay looked Todd over carefully. "How are you?"

Todd shrugged carelessly. "Besides the fact that I have the taste of cock in my mouth and I'm sore, I'm fine. How are you?"

Jay checked the gun in it's holster and grabbed his jacket from the couch.

"Where are you going?" Todd asked.

"Nowhere." Jay said casually. "Just have some business to take care of. I'll be right back."

"Don't move." Todd said firmly. "Do you know what you're doing?"

"I've been doing this for awhile, I think I would know what I'm doing." Jay replied.

"And what if you get caught? Let me do it."

"Nice try." Jay grinned. "But you're not going anywhere." He said before exiting.

Todd rolled his eyes and went back to the bathroom muttering something about trigger-happy mobsters. He came back moments later to sit beside Matt.

"Why'd you call him?" Todd asked.

"You know how much trouble it would cause if I called the police. They're all crooked these days. I had to do something."

Todd sighed. "At least Jay's getting the guy that kidnapped you."

"And you? You shouldn't have had to do that." Matt muttered. He hugged his knees to his chest. "It's not fair for you to have to suffer shit like this."

They sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Todd reached for Matt's hand and held onto it like a lifeline. After a moment Todd let his carefree mask drop and, laying his head on Matt's lap, cried harder than Matt had ever seen, his thin frame racked with sobs. Matt felt a surge of anger at what his friend went through.

"It's over now." He consoled his friend. "It won't happen again. I promise."

Todd cried for a few more minutes before he sat up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break down. I know how you can get." He gave a shaky laugh.

Matt wiped a tear from his eye. "You don't have to apologize."

Jay barged in with a satisfied expression. "Sorry I took so long." He went to the kitchen to wash his hands thoroughly. "Everything's taken care of."

"What did you do?" Matt asked.

"You'll find out soon." He folded his arms across his chest and looked thoughtful. "I might just enroll in an anger management class after this though…never mind, no I won't." He shrugged.

They turned around when Mello came out the bedroom and cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Todd, can I talk to you alone for a minute? Please." He asked quietly.

"Um, sure." Todd followed Mello to the bedroom, confusion written all over his face.

Matt waited anxiously as Jay paced the length of the apartment, making a few phone calls.

"Would you calm down?" He laughed as Matt began tapping his foot. "There's nothing to worry about. Trust me."

Matt sniffed. "I'm not worried about what you did. I trust you took care of everything. I'm thinking about Mello. What should I do?"

Jay shrugged. "I don't know. Do whatever you think is right."

"Matt." Todd interrupted and leaned over the back of the couch, whispering so only Matt could hear. "Go talk to Mello."

Matt frowned. "I don't know if I can right now."

"Go." Todd said firmly. "And listen to what he has to say."

"Fine." Matt rose reluctantly and went to talk to Mello.

"Are you sober yet?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, with the hangover to match." He shifted nervously. "Can we talk?"

Matt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know if I really want to listen to anything you have to say."

"I know and I know you don't trust me after what I did and you probably hate me after what happened with Todd." Mello bowed his head in shame. "I can't take back what I did and I apologize for what happened. If I had known I would have stopped him, I swear."

"I trust you. I believe you are sorry for what happened, I just don't know if I can forgive you for it. I can get past what happened with Gevanni because I realize that I had neglected you. I didn't think about you."

"That's no excuse for what I did to you."

"No… but I'm trying to say that it's not all your fault so shut up and listen." Matt said calmly. "But what happened with Todd went too far. You not only hurt me, you hurt him."

"And I'm sorry for it. If there was anything I could do to change it I would."

Matt held his head in his hands. "Mello, I don't know what to do." He groaned.

Mello wrapped his arms around him. "I don't know what else to say. I love you more than anything in the world, you know that."

"What if someone else comes along?" Matt muttered. "What then?"

"I want you! I'm don't want anyone else."

Matt embraced him. "OK, we can try again."

Mello held him tight. "Thank you." He breathed. "Will you move back in with me?" He asked pleadingly.

"What about Todd? I can't leave him alone."

"Of course not. I can get him on apartment next to ours."

Matt kissed Mello's cheek. "Thanks. Let's go tell him. I'm sure Jay will be excited to."

They walked out the bedroom together and saw Jay and Todd huddled together by the window.

"What's going on?" Matt asked.

Todd held his hand up to his mouth and imitated a police radio complete with static sounds. "That's right we have a Caucasian male, late thirties. Cause of death: suicide." He smiled.

"What happened?" Mello asked as they rushed to the window.

"I took out the trash." Jay replied. They looked out the window just as they were bringing the body out.

Matt smiled grimly. "Thanks for that."

Todd turned to him and Mello. "So you two kiss and make up yet?"

"Shut up." Matt whispered, blushing slightly.

Mello pulled Todd toward the bedroom. "Yep, now pack your stuff. You're moving."

"Moving?" Todd made a horrified face. "Where?"

"Would you mind having your own apartment?" Matt asked. "It would be right next to mine."

"My own apartment?" Todd face lit up.

"Yeah." Mello said. "Along with keys to ours so you can come over whenever you want."

Matt grinned as Todd did a dance. Things seemed to be getting better.


	30. Chapter 30

The cell phone vibrated on the nightstand, waking Matt. The red-head reached blindly for it as Mello stirred next to him.

"Dammit, Matt. First night together in forever and you get a call." Mello groaned.

Matt ignored him and answered his phone without bothering to open his eyes. "Hello?" He mumbled sleepily. He sat up as he talked. "No… it's fine. Sure, it's no problem."

"Who was that?" Mello yawned.

"Todd." Matt said while he pulled on a pair of jeans. "He asked if it was alright if he could come over. I'm going to meet him at the door."

"He has a key." Mello reminded him.

"I know but I just want to talk to him for a minute."

"Come back soon. It's lonely without you." Mello latched onto Matt's hand.

"I'll just be a minute." Matt hesitantly leaned over and kissed Mello's forehead.

The blonde sensed his hesitation and sighed. "I made a mistake but it won't happen again. I'll get your trust back, I promise."

"I hope so." Matt said under his breath. He took his hand from Mello grasp and padded across the living room to go meet Todd at the door.

"I'm sorry." Todd said as soon as Matt opened the door. He shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other.

"Don't be. What's wrong?" Matt rubbed at his eyes and closed the door behind Todd.

"It's stupid but I'm not used to being alone at night." Todd rubbed his arm nervously. "I was always working before Mikey died so I was never alone at night and then I shared a room with you, but now…. I'm pathetic." He bowed his head in shame.

"No you're not." Matt wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder. "You can stay here until you're ready. We don't mind."

They were interrupted as Jay walked out his room smoking a cigarette.

"What the fuck's going on? Let's go one week where I get a full night's sleep." He complained.

"Sorry I bothered you. I'll leave." Todd almost made it out the door before Matt grabbed his wrist.

"Don't leave." Matt said quickly. He shot a pleading glance at Jay. "You can stay here. Don't worry about it."

"What's going on? It's three in the fucking morning and I'd like to go back to sleep so I can finally get to work and away from you. " Jay said jokingly as he strode over to the couch and sat down heavily.

"Todd's having trouble adjusting to being alone." Matt told him.

Jay shrugged his muscular shoulders. "So? Just stay here until you're ready. You can have my room." He lay down on the couch, long legs stretched out before him so his feet rested on the arm of the couch. He reached over to the coffee table and snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray.

"I can't do that!" Todd exclaimed. "It wouldn't be fair for me to take your room."

"I just want to sleep. I can't sleep if I feel bad about having you sleep on the couch." Jay explained. "Matt and Mello have done all sorts of unmentionable things on it."

"Criminal my ass." Matt muttered.

"But I—" Todd started.

"You have three seconds before I get up and drag you to bed." Jay warned. "Go."

Matt pulled his friend to Jay's room quickly before the Mafioso made good on his word.

"I'm sorry to put you guys through all this." Todd said. "I mean, you already got me an apartment and furniture. I feel awful about this."

Matt flicked his friend's arm. "Stop apologizing. We like having you around." He smiled. "I'll get you some clean sheets. Who knows what the hell Jay does in here."

"Thanks. I'll help." Todd helped Matt carry the sheets from the closet to the bed. They had the sheets changed in only a few minutes.

"Ok." Matt stretched his arms over of head. "I guess you can chill here and I'll see you in the morning."

"Um…yeah. I'll…see you later then." The nervous arm rubbing returned.

"What?" Matt raised on eyebrow in question.

"Nothing." Todd began shifting around nervously again.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Lay down." He pushed Todd gently onto the bed and laid down next to his friend.

Todd turned to face the red-head laying on the bed next to him. "You don't have to do this."

"Shut up." Matt yawned without any real venom.

Todd laughed softly and leaned forward so their foreheads touched. "Thanks." He whispered.

Within minutes Matt was asleep, forehead still touching Todd's.

_________________________

"What are you doing?"

Matt woke to Mello's face hovering just inches above his own. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"Shit, I must've fallen asleep." The gamer looked over to his right where Todd was still fast asleep. He looked up at Mello and blinked wearily. "What time is it?"

"It's eight in the morning." Mello answered. "You never came back."

Matt shrugged. "I was exhausted and passed out here. No big deal."

The blonde sighed. "You're right it's no big deal." He stood straight and smoothed out the leather vest he was so fond of. "Do you want me to make you something to eat or do you want to go out?"

"Let's wait for Todd to wake up and then we can go out." He got up and walked past Mello, out the door.

"Sure." Mello said reluctantly and followed Matt to the couch. "Why don't we go out later today? Just the two of us. We haven't done that in a while." Mello stated eagerly.

"Whatever." Matt showed much less enthusiasm.

"We don't have to." Mello assured him.

The red-head turned and looked at his once lover. "We need to talk."

"About what? We can talk about anything you want." Mello said quickly.

"We can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Mello became less animated and seemed to withdraw into himself.

"Pretend nothing has happened. A lot of shit has happened since we got back together after Wammy's. I don't know if I can keep doing this."

Mello was quiet for a long while. "So what are you saying? You're leaving me again after you just got back? You…you can't…I can't." Mello doubled over, arms covering his head as his shoulders shook with his sobs.

"Mells, look at me… come on." Matt pried Mello's arms from his head and forced the blonde to look at him. "I'm not saying I'm leaving you. I'm saying we need to talk instead of pretending things never happened."

Mello let out a deep shaky breath and nodded. "Alright, fine. I just… I don't really know how to talk about these things." He held onto Matt's hands which were still holding the side of his head. "I mean, what happened to you was awful and I couldn't help you 'cause I didn't know how." He sobbed. "And when I first found out you where cutting and you almost died and…and I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm sorry if you felt I wasn't there for you because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to fucking communicate."

Matt held Mello to his bare chest as he let loose and cried. "See? You're talking already. We can do this." He whispered.

They held on tightly to one another because they both knew they needed it. For a second that was all they needed; to hold and be held.

**A/N- I know this took waaaaaaaay longer than usual. I was at an art camp basically watching kids all day which wore me out, so I ended up passing out everyday before I could update. Sorry. Anyway I'll update soon then another week of camp!!! Help me…**


	31. Chapter 31

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." Mello lay his head on Matt's leg. "I left you at Wammy's because I didn't want you to get hurt. I thought that if I left you behind there would be no chance of Kira killing you. I worried about you constantly and when I heard you left…well you know how it all turned out."

"I was devastated when you left. I felt as if I had been used and then just tossed aside." Matt confessed.

"I would never do that. I never meant to make you feel that way."

"I know."

Mello took Matt's hand and held it against his chest. "After I found you in your apartment I…" Mello turned his head away and cleared his throat. "I thought you were going to die and I didn't know what to do. After that I didn't know how to deal with what had happened and++ I thought you preferred not to talk about it so I didn't."

Matt ran his fingers idly through Mello's soft golden locks.

"You were always so quiet." Mello continued. "We never talked about anything. For fuck's sake you never even told me when those guys beat you up."

"It wouldn't have done any good. Besides, would you have cared then? You never seemed to care." Matt said quietly.

"Of course I cared. I always cared."

Matt simply shrugged. "I'm just glad Near got to me before they did any serious damage."

"Near." Mello scowled. "I still don't like him. I don't trust him alone with you. He still likes you."

"It doesn't matter anymore. I liked him once but now we're nothing more than friends."

"I still don't trust him." The blonde muttered. "I'm sorry for what I said to make you go to Near. I don't know why I said what I did. Maybe it's just because I'm an idiot and I always screw things up."

"You're not an idiot. I may have overreacted back then. I should have realized you were just being you. I'm not sorry I left though. I think it was good for me to realize that I am capable of walking away from you." Matt explained.

"I'm sorry you left. I felt so alone without you." Mello shuddered. "Not even Jay helped. That's when I started drinking again."

"Again?"

"I picked up the habit after I left you at Wammy's. I stopped a little while before I found your apartment." He ran the back of his hand over Matt's bare chest. "I'm sorry I left you alone. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you when…when you were taken."

"Don't apologize for that. There was nothing you could have done."

"I could have killed them." Mello said through clenched teeth. "But Near got to them first. Dammit, even Jay got to do it. I wanted to tear them apart with my own hands after I heard what they did to you."

Matt was quiet for a moment, continuously running his fingers through Mello's hair. "You can be so hard sometimes. I used to like that about you. Now it…frightens me. It reminds me of them. The way you both act like you could do anything in the world. You exude power, Mello. I think that's why I unintentionally pushed you away and you ended up with Gevanni."

"It's not your fault I can't keep my pants on. I'm sorry I'm a reminder of them but I can't change who I am."

"And I don't want you to. I just want to get past this so I can look at you and remember the fun we shared. If it hadn't happened though, I don't think I would have found Todd."

Mello looked like he was in thought for a moment. "What _were _you two doing in the car? You didn't seem quite like yourself but I didn't think it the time to pry."

Matt let out a sigh. "I… took drugs. I needed to forget what happened at least for a little while. I got some drugs took some then Todd showed up."

"You took drugs!" Mello said, sitting up so quickly he narrowly avoiding hitting Matt's nose with his head. "You swore you were done with that shit!"

"And you said I was the only one for you. Looks like we both fucked up." Matt replied calmly. "I only took them once. Todd flushed the rest."

"Someone say my name?" Todd came padding out of the room dressed in the same baggy jeans and tank top he wore the night before.

"We were just talking about how you flushed my drugs." Matt replied.

"What drugs?" Todd asked quickly.

"My drugs. You flushed my drugs." Matt reminded him.

"Oh yeah. I didn't think you'd remember that." Todd grinned nervously.

"Well I did and I want to thank you for it." Matt's smiled.

"I'd like to thank you as well." Mello said. "For being such a great friend and taking care of Matt while I was out being an idiot." He went to stand in front of Todd. "I'm sure your first impression of me wasn't the greatest."

"Considering the first time we met you held a gun to my head, no it's not." Todd shrugged.

"I'd like to ask if we can start over."

"I can do that." Todd grinned.

"Good." Mello extended a hand which Todd shook heartily before letting go.

Matt opened his mouth to say something but before he could Todd turned and stuck his tongue out at the red-head. Matt responded by making a face.

Mello looked at them both strangely but smiled and let them continue to act childishly.

"Anyway, I think I should be going." Todd said.

"Aw, so soon?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, Jay's not here so I figure I'll leave you two alone." Todd glanced at Mello.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you want." Mello assured him.

Todd shook his head. "I really should be going." He gave them both a wave before heading out. "I'll see you later." He called just before closing the door.

Matt watched as Mello stare at the door for a minute. "What is it?" Matt asked.

Mello shook his head. "Maybe it's nothing. I don't know."

"I thought we were talking. You obviously have something on your mind. Care to share?"

Mello sat back down at a careful distance from Matt, staring at his hands folded neatly in front of him. He seemed to be trying to find the right words.

"What is it?" Matt asked.

"How long has it been since Todd's left your sight? Not including yesterday."

"Not long. He disappeared for a few hours during that brief time we were in my old apartment. Why?" Matt started to get suspicious.

"Did you…did you notice how he was starting to shake?"

"No. What are you getting at?" Matt was beginning to get defensive for his friend.

"It was the same with you. When you first started coming off the drugs. It's probably been awhile since his last dose, that's why he ran out of here so quickly." Mello reached for a chocolate bar on the coffee table absent-mindedly.

"You're wrong." Matt was quick to defend his friend. "Todd's not taking drugs. He's not like that."

"Think about where he's been living, what he's been doing. You said you took the drugs to forget for a little while. Maybe that's what he's doing."

"Not Todd." Matt shook his head. "He's stronger than that."

"I hope so. The longer he's been on it, the harder it will be to get him away from it."

"He isn't." Matt said utterly convinced he was right. "Why would you say something like that? I'll go over right now and I'll prove to you he's not using."

"I'll stay here. You do what you need to do." Mello didn't look at him but stared at their reflection in the television screen.

**A/N – This took forever to update. Truthfully I'm getting bored with it. It's like a toy I no longer wish to play with. I'm so childish sometimes. Anyway, a few more chapters and I'm done. Hope you guys liked it so far and please remember to read and review. Thanks!**


	32. Chapter 32

Matt looked at the door to Todd's apartment wondering whether he should knock or use the key. With a sigh he decided to use his key. He pulled the key from his back pocket and, with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, fit the key into the lock.

"Todd?" Matt called softly as he stepped into the apartment. There was no answer. The red-head searched the apartment checking the kitchen, then the bathroom, and finally the bedroom where he found his friend laying on his back, eyes closed. A needle and vial of morphine lay next to him. Matt picked up the vial to try and estimate how much his friend may have taken.

"Don't touch that." Todd opened his eyes and was staring at the ceiling.

Without a word Matt placed the needle and morphine on the floor and sat on the bed, staring at the space between his legs.

"Give it back." Todd said quietly. "I'm not finished with it yet."

"Why? I thought you were better than that." Matt shook his head sadly.

Todd laughed under his breath. "You still think I'm the same guy you met when you first got here. Things have changed. _I've_ changed. I'm not the innocent Todd you met on the streets."

"I know things have changed but why the drugs? You don't need them. I remember you could handle anything so… why?" Matt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Todd simply looked at him for a moment before choosing to speak. "The answer should be obvious to you. I was alone."

Matt looked up sharply and faced his friend. "No you weren't. I was there and I asked if you wanted to move in but you refused. Then I told you that you could come stay if you ever changed your mind."

"And I did but the landlord said you had left with a guy. By the description I knew it was Mello. I didn't know what to do after that. I was hungry all the time. I found Mikey and that's how I got into prostitution."

"Shit, Todd." Matt groaned. He held his head in his hands. "You could have tried to find me. You know I would have helped you out."

"You always talked about how much Mello meant to you and how there was no one for you but him. I didn't want to get between you in anyway. It wasn't all bad though."

"It sounds bad to me."

"For example, that guy you saw at the parking lot is a doctor. I was his personal favorite for awhile. He used to pay in cash but then pretty soon he started to pay with drugs. I just saw him not too long ago and he gave me that morphine. It didn't take much either. Todd gave a euphoric smirk.

Matt slapped him suddenly and without warning. He sat atop his friend, straddling him and pinning his arms to the bed. "You're an idiot."

"No. I'm alone." The blow didn't even seem to bother him.

"I'm right here." Matt yelled.

"No. You're with Mello." Todd responded, deadpan.

"You _wanted _me to go with Mello." Matt replied angrily.

"Because you could never love me."

"I _do _love you. Without you I don't think I could have lasted this long." Matt watched as his tears fell and hit Todd's cheek.

Todd, however, seemed unfazed and spoke without emotion. "You don't love me the way you love _him_. When you're with him and you're happy your eyes light up, your smile gets wider and it's enough to make my heart skip beats. And when you're with him you… glow with a light that hurts to look at because I know that I could never make you look like that. The way you look at me pales in comparison to the way you look at him."

Matt continued to hold him down without thinking about it, his eyes were wide with shock and his mouth was slightly agape. "What are you trying to say?"

"Aren't you supposed to be a genius? I'm surprised you haven't figured it out sooner. I love you Mail Jeevas."

"You…you can't." He stammered. "I—"

"You love Mello and you don't want to ruin our friendship." Todd looked at him with dead eyes. "I know what you're thinking. Just hand me the morphine and leave."

"Just the way you know what I'm thinking I know what you're thinking. I'm not leaving you alone to do something stupid." Matt kept a firm grip on Todd least he try and escape.

"Fine." Todd replied. "Let me up and I'll leave."

"Stop being an idiot." Matt growled. "You're better than this."

"Don't tell me what to do." Todd got angry suddenly but calmed down quickly and returned to his depressive state. "It'll only hurt worse the second time around. Either you let me do this or I go back to the streets. A strange body next to me is better than nobody at all."

"No it's not." Matt said with certainty.

"I refuse to be alone again." Todd yelled.

"You're not alone." Matt cried. "I won't leave you alone. I'll call Near if I have to just to make sure you're never alone."

Todd went quiet –emotionless- again. "So you would leave me? And here I thought you had wanted me around. I guess I am an idiot." He looked at Matt with a tiny smirk. "If you do call Near make sure he sends Gevanni. I could use the company."

"You don't mean that." Matt replied angrily, pressing Todd firmly against the mattress with his body.

"Don't I?" Todd raised an eyebrow. "Why the hell are you even here anyway? Get the fuck off me."

"I'm here because you're my friend and I care about you. I won't let you go until you promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"I'm not fucking promising you anything." Todd struggled in Matt's grasp for a moment before going completely still. "Let me go or I'll kill you." He warned with a chilling glare.

"No you won't." Matt spoke with absolute certainty.

In a flash Todd broke Matt's hold and reversed their positions. Leaning close he whispered in Matt's ear, "I hate you." With that he grabbed the needle and morphine and made his way quickly to the bathroom.

Those words were like a blow to the stomach for the red-head. In the years Matt had known Todd, never had he heard those words ever uttered in the same sentence. Matt brushed off his friend's words, knowing that he could never mean it, and followed him to the bathroom where, as he expected, the door was locked.

"Go away Matt. Go back to Mello." Todd's voice was muted by the door.

"I'm not leaving you alone. Open the fucking door." Matt pounded on the door with both fists. It soon became apparent Todd had no intentions of opening the door himself. Matt pulled out his cell phone and, in a split-second decision, dialed in a number.

"Yes?" Came Near's emotionless voice.

"Near, help me please. It's Todd. I can't make him stop. Please just come, he'll listen to you." Matt sobbed. An awful feeling settled in his stomach as he thought of what his friend might be doing at that very second.

"I'm coming. Hold on for a minute." Near said quickly and hung up.

"Todd, hold on for a little longer. Please." Matt rested his head against the door. "Talk to me. Don't make me feel alone in here."

All was quiet for a moment. "I didn't lie." Todd's voice was barely audible and Matt had to strain to hear. "I _do _love you and I _do_ hate you. I love you because there is no one with the same constant and passionate soul as you. But I hate you because no matter what you will never love me and I can't get you out my system." Todd laughed hysterically all of a sudden. "You like a fucking drug."

**A/N – anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm thinking 2 or 3 left and I'm done. Maybe I'll write a sequel or something if I don't kill them off in some horrible explosion (insert evil laughter here)…**


	33. Chapter 33

It was only a few moments until Near arrived which was surprising since SPK headquarters were 15 minutes away.

"How did you-?" Matt began.

"Ducati." Near replied quickly. "What's going on?"

"It's Todd. He's trying to kill himself and I don't know what to do. You're the only person I can think of that he'll listen to. I'll only make things worse." Matt looked down in a moment of self-pity.

Near knelt in front of the door. "Todd?" He said softly but loud enough that Todd could hear. "Are you ok?"

They could here Todd laugh softly from behind the door. "I'm perfectly ok. I can't feel shit right now and pretty some I'll be better than ever."

"Todd, please come out." Near pleaded.

"You think I'll come out just because you said please? Don't insult me. I really like you, don't change that now." Todd was silent for a second. "Near, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course." The white-haired genius replied.

"I know you care for Matt as much as me so could you watch out for him in case Mello decides he wants to act stupid again?"

"No." Near said. "You're Matt's best friend. You understand him like no other. You need to be there for him not me. No matter how much I wish I could." Near turned to Matt and whispered so Todd couldn't hear. "I think it's best if you leave now. There's nothing more you can do here."

"I'm not leaving him alone." Matt said loud enough for Todd to hear.

"Just leave Matt." Todd said. "We're done here. Besides, you were going to leave me anyway. Either way it doesn't matter now."

"Just go." Near told him. "I'll get you if I need you."

With a dejected look, the red-head rose to his feet. His footsteps were heavy as he made his way to the apartment he shared with Mello to try and get comfort from the one person he had left. Instead of making all the way there Matt collapsed in the middle of the hall, curled in a ball, and cried.

"Shit." He cursed fiercely under his breath. "Damn you Todd. Why did you have to do this to me?" He leaned back against the wall and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Matt?"

Matt looked up to see Mello staring at him with concern. "Todd's trying to kill himself." He told the blonde sadly.

"Why aren't you with him?" Mello asked. "Do you need me to do anything?"

Matt shook his head. "Near's with him. He's doing it because of me." Matt's eyes welled with tears all over again.

Mello sat next to him and wrapped his arm around the red-head. "It'll be ok. I'm sure Todd will be just fine. You have nothing to worry about."

"You don't get it." Matt shrugged Mello's arm off. "It's all because of _me_. I should never have left him alone. This never would have happened if I hadn't left him alone."

"This is _not_ your fau-" Mello was interrupted by shouts coming from down the hall.

Matt leapt to his feet at the sight of the paramedics pushing a gurney. He raced down the hall after it, his footsteps echoing in his ears. He reached the door the just seconds behind the paramedics. Mello was right behind him.

"Get the fuck out my way." Matt yelled when on off the men prevented him from going any farther. He caught a glimpse of snow white hair and waved wildly until he got Near's attention. The genius made his way toward Matt while trying not to get in the paramedics way.

"What the hell happened?" Matt asked as Near pulled him further out into the hall.

"We were talking and he suddenly stopped talking only a second a go. I had already called my emergency team though so they were able to get here soon enough. Now all we have to do is hope he didn't take too enough to kill him before I can get him back to SPK headquarters…. Watch out." He pulled Matt out of the way as the paramedics loaded a semi-conscious Todd onto the gurney and wheeled him out the apartment. Racing for the elevator.

Near went after them with Matt and Mello following close behind.

"There isn't enough room in the ambulance for all us." Near spoke as he ran.

"I'm sure as hell not going to leave him." Matt growled.

"Come on, Matt." Mello said. "We can follow in your car."

"Besides, I'll be there with him." Near said.

With a reluctant nod Matt nodded and followed Mello to the stairwell. Near took the crowded elevator with the paramedics. Mello ran down the stairway slightly ahead of Matt to the red muscle car he had purchased for Matt some time ago. Mello jumped into the driver's seat just a second before Matt slipped into the passenger's seat.

"Drive faster dammit." Matt was drumming his fingers on the dashboard anxiously.

"I'm already going as fast as I can." Mello replied patiently. He reached over to hold Matt's hand. "Don't worry."

"I can't do that." Matt pulled his hand away to bury his head in his hands. "Why is everything so fucked up? Why does shit always happen?" Matt let loose every curse he could think of in one breath.

Mello parked the car abruptly. "Get out." He said.

"What?" Matt looked at the blonde quizzically.

"We're here. Hurry up and get out so you can see Todd." Mello stared at the steering wheel in front of him.

"Aren't you coming?" Asked Matt.

"I don't think Todd would appreciate seeing me. I think it would be better if it was only you there." The blonde responded.

Matt got out of the car and walked around to the driver's side to open the door. "Let's go." He grabbed Mello hand and dragged him out the car.

"But, Matt, I don't think this is a good idea." Mello walked quickly to avoid being dragged along the ground.

"I'm sorry Todd did what he did. I'm sorry I left him alone for all that time. We are friends, brothers almost, but cannot be anything more. And I'll be damned if I'll let anything come between you and me again. We are going together whether you like it or not." Matt spoke passionately as he led Mello through the glass doors, flicked off the guards, and traveled through halls to the medical wing of the building.

Mello stopped suddenly nearly bringing Matt off his balance.

"What?!" Matt yelled.

"Do you mean it? All that mushy shit I just heard you say that you swore you'd never say."

"Of course I meant it." Matt blushed slightly.

"That's great because I have some potentially upsetting news." Mello winced as he spoke.

"For fuck's sake! What the hell now?" Matt groaned.

"It's nothing we need to talk about now. Just go see Todd first. We can talk later." Mello pushed Matt down the hall, right into Near.

"Oh, Matt. I'm so sorry." Near said quietly.

**A/N - Sorry I've been slow in updating. My mom just had her baby YAY!!!!!!!!! Anyway that means not much time for writing...sorry for you guys T_T**


	34. Chapter 34

"Oh, God, please no." His knees gave out causing the red-head to fall to the ground. The impact should have hurt but it didn't. All he felt right then and there was an incredible, indescribable pain in his chest. "Todd can't be dead." He whispered, eyes wide and pleading.

"Todd is not dead." Near reassured him as he toyed with his hair. "I apologize for running into you."

"Thank god." Matt breathed a sigh of relief and dug into his pocket for a cigarette. He lit the cancer stick with shaky hands. "Can I see him?"

"There's one problem." Near looked away. Matt could swear he saw anger in the genius's eyes. "He's refusing to take the medication."

"What do you mean he's refusing to take the damn meds?" Matt yelled, nearly dropping the cigarette held between his lips. "Can't you force him or something?"

"Legally, no. I can try and talk to him but if that doesn't work then I'll use force if necessary." Near replied completely deadpan.

"Let me talk to him." Matt moved to get to the door so he could see Todd but Near cut him off.

"No." Near said. "I think you've done enough."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Mello snarled. "Don't talk to him as if this is his fault."

Near ignored him. "I'm going to try and talk _your _friend out of killing himself. Wait here." He left them alone with unspoken regret and resentment hanging in the air.

"Ass." Mello muttered as he wrapped an arm around Matt's shoulders.

"No. He's right." Matt rested his head on Mello's shoulder and held onto the leather vest. "It is my fault. I don't know what I'll do if he dies." His voice broke.

"He's not going to die." Mello assured him. He hesitantly brought his other arm around to embrace the red-head. It was the first time they had embraced without Matt getting uncomfortable since the red-head's capture.

"I won't break. I promise." Matt held the blonde tighter.

"Matt, I need to tell you something." Mello whispered. "The guy that Jay killed, the one that…hurt you."

"What about him?" Matt asked softly, his heart rate accelerating.

"Some other friends of his found out about you. They think that you could –" He was interrupted b a sudden crash and shouting coming from Todd's room.

Matt released Mello and ran through the door, panic and fear for his friend mounting. He got there just as a nurse and doctor fled the room. Neither Todd nor Near took any notice of him. The snow-haired genius's hand was bleeding and a pile of glass lay at his feet. He glared venomously at Todd who looked like he was having trouble breathing.

"Damn you, you stupid bastard." Near yelled, quivering with anger and frustration. "Not everything is about _him_."

"For me it is. He is all I have left." Todd gasped for breath as he clutched at his chest.

"He doesn't love you. So what? Move on. You're not the first and you certainly won't be the last.

"What the fuck is going on?" Matt cut in.

As soon as he heard Matt's voice Near reverted back to his emotionless self. He pointed a bloody finger at Todd. "He'd refusing to cooperate. I can't talk him into taking the medication."

Matt went to sit on the edge of the bed. Todd leaned away from him as if the red-head was something toxic.

"Go away." Todd glared at Matt.

Matt chose to ignore the command. "Why won't you take the meds?" He asked softly.

"Don't be fucking stupid. You already know the answer." Todd gasped for breath and looked like he was on the verge of passing out.

"Tell me anyway." Out of the corner of his eye Matt could see Near grab two syringes and advance toward Todd. All he had to do was keep Todd completely focused on him.

"You're…an idiot."

"You're the idiot. You'll die if you don't take these meds and who knows how long you have." Matt responded vehemently.

"That's the point." Todd clutched at his chest again. He was clearly having difficulty breathing. "Just leave." He muttered weakly as he sunk into the pillows, his eyes closing.

"No." Matt grabbed his friend's hand and held tightly.

"Asshole." Todd whispered fondly before he passed out.

Near checked Todd's pulse and pupils. "Looks like I won't need this one." He tossed one aside and injected Todd with the other.

"What's that?" Matt asked.

"Medication to reverse the effects of the poison. He'll be perfectly fine with a few more doses." Near replied without looking at him. He reached up and absent-mindedly began toying with his hair getting blood on it in the process.

"Your hand is bleeding. Let me look at it." Matt got up from the bed and reached for Near's hand but the genius pulled away quickly.

"Don't." Near glared at Matt.

"Why are you so angry at me all of sudden? What the hell did I do wrong?" Matt demanded an answer.

"Look at what you're doing. Do you enjoy hurting people?" Near asked angrily.

"What the hell? Are you out of your fucking mind?" The red-head shot the other a bewildered look.

"You toy with people. We loved you." He pointed at himself and Todd. "You gave us hope that maybe you might return those affections when you left Mello but we were wrong. You made us crazy. Mello drank when you left him and when you left Todd alone with _no one _he tried to commit suicide."

Matt actually took a step back, afraid Near would physically attack him. "And you?"

Near looked away. "I capable of getting over it. The question now is; Can Todd? I don't think you understand the pain he feels right now."

"And you do?" Matt yelled. "I know how he feels. It was the same when Mello left me."

"No it's not." Near yelled at the top of his lungs causing Mello to rush in with a concerned look a his face. Near ignored him. "You knew Mello left you to solve this case and avenge L's death unlike you who left to go back to someone who could never…" Near drew a deep breath and once again reverted back to his emotionless self. "It doesn't matter anymore. I will ask you both to leave since you are no longer needed here."

"I'm not fucking leaving Todd here alone." Matt yelled. Mello held him back with a restraining arm as he took a step toward Near.

"Then I will have my men escort you out." Near said coldly.

"Come on. You can always come back later when tempers cool." Mello whispered in Matt's ear.

A scowl plastered on his face, Matt stalked out the building fighting back the tears. He didn't realize Mello was holding him until he turned around in the blonde's arms and cried onto the leather vest.

"He's right." Matt sobbed. "I'm an awful bastard who can't stop hurting people."

Mello stroked his hair soothingly. "It's not true. You-" He was cut off by his phone ringing. He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the caller id. "Fuck." He muttered. "Matt, I'm sorry but we have to leave."

Matt shook his head. "I can't leave without making sure Todd's alright."

Mello held the smoker by his shoulders. "If we don't leave now you'll die."


	35. Chapter 35

"What the fuck are you talking about? Are you fucking high or something?" The red-heads voice quivered with fear.

"I'm saying those SPK guards didn't kill all of those bastards. They know why they're members were attacked and they believe that you're a threat. I have to get you out of here." Mello gripped Matt's arm tight enough to hurt without realizing it.

The smoker's eyes widened as realization dawned on him. "They think I could turn them in for illegal activity but I would have to witness against them. I can't do that. All of our document's are at Wammy's so technically we don't exist."

"At least you're starting to use your brain." Mello muttered. "But they've been watching you since they found out about you so they know that we're together. They also know I'm in a rival gang so –"

"So they think this whole thing with me could lead to an all out fight." Matt finished for him. "Also with some of their members dead now your mafia group would be at an advantage. Also, if you win your mafia can gain control of their weapons, drugs, and whatever else they have. They would be nothing." Matt looked a bit overwhelmed and brushed the hair from his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"Yes! The genius returns." Mello yelled and kissed Matt's cheek.

"Not done yet." The gamer dug into his pocket for another cigarette. "Since you could start this whole battle you would have to be eliminated as well but if you we're then a fight would break out anyway. They only option they have is to eliminate us without evidence it was them."

"Yes." Mello smiled.

"Then why the hell are you smiling? This is fucking bad." The red-head looked at his companion incredulously.

"This is the first time I've actually seen you use your genius. Usually you're just skating by without a care. Besides, this is the most fun activity, excluding sex, we've had in forever."

"What do you mean fun? This isn't fun." Matt took a step back and took a long drag from his cigarette. "Obviously you're having fun. I won't even try to understand how. All we have to do is figure out how to stay alive."

"As long as we're not in the country I don't think they'll be coming after us." Mello pushed Matt unceremoniously into the car. "We have to leave and meet Jay so we can get a couple plane tickets."

"Pseudonym?"

"When don't we use false names, _Matt_?" Mello smirked.

"Was that sarcasm, _Mello_?" Matt returned the smirk.

The blonde reached over as he drove and ruffled his friend's hair affectionately. "I'm glad you're starting to lighten up."

Matt looked slightly annoyed as he fixed his hair. "Yeah, well, with everything that's happened and about to happen I might as well find something to lighten up my mood. Besides, we're probably going to die soon."

"What makes you say that?" The blonde looked at him quizzically.

Matt shrugged. "I don't know maybe it's that black SUV that's been following us ever since we left SPK headquarters."

The Mafioso glanced in the rearview mirror. "Fuck." He muttered. "They're armed. I have to get them off the main road before someone gets hurt." He turned sharply onto a side street causing Matt to fall against the door.

"Wow, caring for civilians. I'm surprised." Matt said sarcastically.

Mello frowned as he sped down the empty side street. "I'm capable of caring for others."

"Aw, baby, I didn't mean to make you mad." The gamer pouted jokingly.

Mello laughed under his breath. "Why are you acting like this?"

Matt shrugged. "If we're going to die I might as well act like a love-sick dumbass."

"We're not going to die." Mello rolled his eyes. They both ducked instinctively as gunshots rang out.

"Shit! Yes we are." Matt glanced at the rearview mirror. "Especially if they're carrying Beretta M12s." The red-head fiddled with his goggles and looked thoughtful. "How did they get those anyway? That's a hard weapon to get."

"When you're in the mafia you can get just about anything." Matt swerved suddenly to avoid getting rear ended.

Matt reached over without warning and pulled Mello in for a quick kiss. "I love you."

"Uh, I love you to but what was that for?" Mello kept his eyes on the car behind them.

The gamer pointed ahead. "Have you been paying attention?" To the side of them was a construction site and in directly in front of them were three more black SUVs blocking the street. A couple of people got out, one aimed a gun and fired. Mello struggled to control the car as it spun out of control when the tire was shot. Matt held onto Mello's arm to try and prevent getting hurt.

"Fuck." Mello ran a gloved hand through his hair when they came to a complete stop. "I'm sorry Matt. I tried to protect you and I failed…. What are you doing?" He asked as Matt pulled out his cell phone. "You know cops can't help us now."

His friend held a finger to his lips as his phone rang. "Damn. Near won't pick up his phone." Matt muttered. He glanced behind him through the back window as he left a message on the genius's personal cell. "Look, Near, I know you're mad at me but I don't really fucking care at the moment. I just hope you can forgive me later and tell Todd that I'm sorry I hurt him." He hung up the phone just as a man came up and tapped on the window with his gun. He motioned for them to step out of the car.

"Matt, I'm sorry I got you mixed up in this." Mello held up his hands and allowed another man to pull him out the car.

Matt was treated in the same manner. "Don't be a dumbass. I got myself into it. I just think it's fucked up we leave Wammy's to find Kira and never figure it out."

"I didn't know you wanted to work on the case." Mello said as he held his hands up in the air.

"You never asked." Matt copied him.

"Well you could've told me anyway." Mello raised his voice.

"Why are you fucking yelling? Don't be a dick just before we die."

"I'm not being a dick, asshole!" Mello yelled.

"Shut up. The both of you." One of the men yelled.

"Asshole." Mello muttered.

"Don't be bitchy." Matt responded.

Mello looked over and smiled. "I love you."

The red-head stuck his tongue out. "I love you _and_ the sex."

Mello moaned. "We haven't had sex in weeks and you're going to mention it now?"

"Why does it make you remember? Did you like the way I –" Matt was silenced as the man next to him slapped him over the head.

"Shut up." He growled. "Don't make this any harder."

Mello squinted at the guy next to Matt and the one beside him as well. "Joseph? Max?"

**AN – Sorry it took so long. Next update will be faster I promise ^^**


	36. Chapter 36

"Shut the fuck up." The guy, Max, hissed as he nudged Mello in the side with his gun. He had long blonde hair like Mello's but had it pulled back into a ponytail. He was of strong build and wore a black shirt with long sleeve which he pushed up past his elbows.

"Damn." Mello kept his face blank as they slowly advanced toward the other waiting mafia members. "You would have thought I would recognize you sooner given you are Jay's twin, Joseph."

"Twin?" Matt exclaimed and turned to get a quick look at Joseph before facing front again. Joseph was the same height as Jay but whereas Jay had a muscular build, Joseph's was more lean and athletic. His hair was short, unlike Jay's, and was a darker shade of brown. Even still they looked very much alike.

"Yeah, twins." Mello answered. "Hey, fat twin, is Lucchese here?"

"Will you shut the hell up for two second?" Max prodded Mello in the side again. "And yes he is. So don't do anything to make him shot you on sight."

"I'll be a good boy if you tell me what's going on." Mello whispered as they got within earshot of the other Mafia members.

Neither Joseph or Max had any time to answer as they all came to a halt some feet from the other mafia members. A large well-fed man in a white suit stepped out one of the vehicles. He walked up to Mello, quickly took a pistol from inside his suit jacket, and held the weapon the Mello's head.

"Hey Lucchese. You must being doing well. What's that suit? Armani?" Mello commented airily, refusing to be intimidated by the much older man.

With his other hand the Mafioso back-handed Mello across his cheek. Matt took a step forward but Joseph pulled him back.

"Do you know how much trouble you've caused me? Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot you right here, right now." The older man growled.

"'Cause you'd get blood all over your nice white suit." Mello answered.

"And you," Lucchese turned to Matt and held the gamer's chin between his thumb and forefinger. "What the hell did they go fucking around with you for? Damn idiots." He muttered. "Such a pretty thing though. No wonder Mello stuck with you."

"Hey, that's my boyfriend you're talking about." Mello interrupted.

"He's probably the only one that can deal with your bullshit." Lucchese didn't even turn to look at the blonde. Instead he turned to Joseph. "Get these two out of my sight. I want them dead before the hour's up." He released Matt.

"That'll be hard to do since there's only a minute left in the hour." Mello smirked.

Matt sighed heavily and hung his head. "We're going to die for sure." He said under his breath.

"I want them to burn." He pointed to the construction site. "I want people in Miami to see the fucking smoke, you understand?" He reached over and grabbed Mello by the hair. "Looks like I get to kill two birds with one stone. I never wanted that shit built anyway."

"Well actually it's three birds then, counting Matt." Mello smirked insolently.

"You never could resist commenting. I'll see you in hell." He patted Mello's face roughly before returning back to his vehicle. "Lucky, Charles, Gio I want you to stay and make sure they get the job done." All three nodded in response. The rest of the mafia returned to their vehicles and followed Lucchese's back to the main roads.

"Move." Max nudged Mello toward the construction site. Joseph did the same with Matt. The other three followed close behind.

"This sucks. Being burned twice is a bitch." Mello commented loudly.

"He's right, you know. You never can resist commenting." Matt sighed.

"Who's side are you on?"

"OK. Let's get this over with." Joseph said. He and Max turned on Lucky and Charles, guns raised. The other two mafia members instinctively reached for their guns but stopped when they heard the click of a gun hammer come from behind them.

"Hands up." Gio commanded. He winked at Matt and smiled. "Remember me?"

" Um, yeah but what are you doing here?" Matt asked.

"Helping these two save your ass." The Italian replied.

"Give us the keys to the car." Max commanded. The Mafioso, Lucky, reached into the inside pocket of his jacket but before he could withdraw his hand all the way Joseph aimed his gun and fired. Blood sprayed from the bullet hole in the man's forehead.

"That's payback for shooting my brother." Joseph said calmly. He turned, aimed, and fired. Another spray of blood shimmered in the air.

"Fuck! Dammit!" Gio yelled as he wiped blood from his face. "You can't wait for five fucking seconds so I can move?" Joseph shrugged in response and bent down to retrieve the keys.

"Let's just get done here and we can leave." Jay's twin went to the car and grabbed a few explosive from the back.

"What are you doing?" Matt asked as they began set up the explosives.

"The building that's being built is bad for both families' business so we're blowing it up." Max grinned roguishly.

After they finished set up the explosives they dragged the bodies further into the construction site and went back to the car.

"Danny didn't send you did he?" Mello asked.

"No." Gio answered. "We did tell him what we were going to do though." Matt ducked instinctively as the explosives went off. Everyone else seemed unfazed.

"At least now we get to go with you." Joseph laughed. "We have to stop and get Jay first though."

"Where are we going?" Matt asked.

Mello laughed. "Wherever the hell we want." He was still laughing as Gio pulled over and Jay entered. Their friend punched his brother in the arm and ruffled Matt's hair playfully.

"Did I miss something?" He asked.

"We're finally free of this whole mess. Damn, I can't wait to finally leave this place." Mello threw his arm around Matt shoulders. "I guess that means we get a chance to start over."

The red-head shook his head. "I don't want to start over. I just want things to be better." He gazed sadly out the faintly tinted window.

"You'll see Todd again. Don't worry." Mello whispered in his ear.

"Don't worry, be happy." Jay sang softly.

*END*

**AN- Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing. This did well for my first fanfic ^^ So many good reviews!! **


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